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08-05-07, 03:40 PM
TEARS OF A HERO’S WIFE
With a boulder in my gut, every cell in my body fights the anticipation building inside of me. Paralyzed, pretending to watch tv of my free will, I obsessively check my phone. Heart racing, I search for a reason to wait without admitting that it's for you. The collapse of nightfall signaling another week without you rushes nearer as the clock ticks away undeterred. The suffocating pain of arrhythmia fills me with every beep my phone makes. “It’s him!!,” I hyperventilate, until the anger for a stranger signaling a false alarm captures me.
Pissy that I can’t figure out how to shut off the voicemail reminder beep, I check the voicemail more than ever now just to stop that paralyzing sound. I have the ringer set to max just in case, still it isn’t you. I should know that by now. But every sound takes my breath away. “Where are you?”
Fairytales are friendly mind tricks I play reminding me that you are protecting the world and they need you more. Still, it feels like an eternity as I hypervigilate my phone. I scour the web for traces of you. Maybe you had a terrible day and don’t want to take it out on me. A trace of your online footprints can signal hello to me. Sometimes, it’s all i’ve got.
The pipes are busted, the phone disconnected, everything running later than due still I hold my head high and show the world how proud I am of you. Warnings from attorneys, the dwindling bank accounts but I don’t let you hear me fret. “It’s under control,” I proclaim “How was your day?” Knowing I would give my last breath to be in your arms. “WHERE ARE YOU? WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME? I NEED YOU!!” I internalize. Outwardly joking and flirting and giving to you all I have left of me.
Still I wait, every Sunday, praying you will get time to call. See you in my dreams my love, I miss you.
With a boulder in my gut, every cell in my body fights the anticipation building inside of me. Paralyzed, pretending to watch tv of my free will, I obsessively check my phone. Heart racing, I search for a reason to wait without admitting that it's for you. The collapse of nightfall signaling another week without you rushes nearer as the clock ticks away undeterred. The suffocating pain of arrhythmia fills me with every beep my phone makes. “It’s him!!,” I hyperventilate, until the anger for a stranger signaling a false alarm captures me.
Pissy that I can’t figure out how to shut off the voicemail reminder beep, I check the voicemail more than ever now just to stop that paralyzing sound. I have the ringer set to max just in case, still it isn’t you. I should know that by now. But every sound takes my breath away. “Where are you?”
Fairytales are friendly mind tricks I play reminding me that you are protecting the world and they need you more. Still, it feels like an eternity as I hypervigilate my phone. I scour the web for traces of you. Maybe you had a terrible day and don’t want to take it out on me. A trace of your online footprints can signal hello to me. Sometimes, it’s all i’ve got.
The pipes are busted, the phone disconnected, everything running later than due still I hold my head high and show the world how proud I am of you. Warnings from attorneys, the dwindling bank accounts but I don’t let you hear me fret. “It’s under control,” I proclaim “How was your day?” Knowing I would give my last breath to be in your arms. “WHERE ARE YOU? WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME? I NEED YOU!!” I internalize. Outwardly joking and flirting and giving to you all I have left of me.
Still I wait, every Sunday, praying you will get time to call. See you in my dreams my love, I miss you.