Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Hey guys and gals! As you can see I haven't been on here in forever. A ton of things have happened to turn my world upside down. First of all my husband went to troop school back in January. We were so proud and so excited. We knew it would be hard work for both of us-but we were willing to do whatever it took it make it work. He graduated troop school in June and got his assignment for a county that is close to 3 hours away on some bad roads in the mountains.
At first I wasn't going to move with him because I had been at my job at the sheriff's department since 1997 and I was happy. I had just got an admin job 3 years ago and it was pretty easy. Then the kids started asking and not understanding why daddy hasn't lived with us. They thought I kicked him out or something the 6 months he was in school. I couldn't get them to understand that he was a school. So I sure didn't want to try and have 2 households to pay for and have to try and get the kids to understand what was going on.
So I bit the bullet and decided instead of ripping our family apart for only God knows how long-at least a year possibly longer-I decided to move up here. Well, I'm scared to say anything to anybody-but I'm miserable here. His post Sgt and another trooper and another troopers wife(one that was in the same class as my husband0 gave me their phone numbers, and said I could call for anything. I don't feel right calling but I really am lonely and hating this up here.
So far I haven't meet anyone I could call even an associate. I don't know whether to call and sound like a wuss or just keep trying to make it like I am. There are so many days I just want to go back home. I know that if I do that my husband may not make it here. He has worked way to hard to let my feelings get in the way. He keeps telling me it will be ok-but I don't believe him. He has people that care whether he is happy or not and I don't. I've never felt like I don't matter so much in my life. Maybe I'm jealous because he has that-I don't know.
All I know is this has been so hard on me. I'm not use to being at home all day with nobody to talk to other than the kids. I'm trying to wait til I can get them in school before I go to work. I'm not use to being so alone but I am and I have no idea how to make friends, because working in police work for as long as I have has made it hard for me to trust people. This is a tourist county-so i don't know who belongs here and who doesn't. We have no neighbors our age-they are all 65+. I have no idea what to do.
Do I call and express my feelings to any of the people that have told me to call for anything or just keep trying to act like I'm happy? And I do apoligize for un loading here. I guess I just needed to. I just want us all to be happy because he has worked so hard and I am still so proud of him. He's a great guy and a great trooper-I just don't want to bring him down by telling him I'm totally miserable.

Your feelings seem normal to me. You gave up a lot that was important and moved. Just like a cop who retires and thinks there is nothing else since teh "job" is gone! But don't forget:

1) He is doing this job to support all of you!

2) Your only lonely when he is at work. You need to make friends. My neighbor is about 70. And let me tell, I have some of the most interesting conversations with him. Don't ignore the elderly!

3) FOCUS! Your there for your kids and husband. Go out with the kids in the day. So what if you only talk to others who are tourists! Eventually you will find somebody who is local!

4) Use the resources presented. I would call the other ladies and explain your view. I am sure they can provide some great insight!

Keep your head up!

Thanks Joey. I wasn't really forgetting the elderly people. I think where I was going with that is that the people that are local are elderly and not very friendly. You know I have been here for 2 months and say hi to people in the stores and I have not had one person even give the slightest move they were gonna say hi. I guess I don't even know what to say to my husband. He's so different-quiet and like wrapped up. I just have so many worries and I feel guilty for feeling them. Maybe I'm just tired. I don't sleep because I'm not comfortable here and the kids stay up all hours of the night and then get up at the crack of dawn. No naps no slowing down all day long. I don't want to ask hubby for a break because I know he's having to work hard. I try to stay up to talk to him too. But by then I'm like drool bag tired falling over and can't pay attention. So kinda in a way I'm lonely that way too. I want to ask him how he really feels because I've only heard him mention it when another guy in his troop asks him and he doesn't say much then. I've been asked and 2 words into it stopped and the conversation is changed. I just feel so out of place. I mean I had worries about fitting into that "trooper wife" whatever. I didn't feel like I was like the other wives. He tells me he loves me cause I'm different. (I've always been rough and tumble.) So I figured I would fit in better with the troopers because I have so much more in common with them but now I'm seeing that's not the case. Ok I'm worrying to much!

Well I can share a story. My parents, who have possibly one of the strongest marriages that I have every seen, have been in your position more than once. They are both engineers, and their jobs sometimes take them to very far away lands. LOL To say the least.

Last year my father spent the entire year in Ohio. We live in Michigan. He is expected to come home here in a few weeks for a month and then head back down for another years worth of 100 hour weeks. Two years ago he spent 9 months in Mexico, and the year before that 6 months in Texas. Now 10 years ago my parents thought it would be cool to get out of the automotive business and open a bowling alley. That took my father away to Georgia for 4 years. By the time my mother got down there they ended up moving back.

So all in all, over the past ten years, my parents have probably only spent one full year together. My point of this story is that you can still have a strong marriage and family being apart from each other, you just have to readjust your schedules and put in a little more effort. O.k. a lot more effort, but it is doable. If you are miserable, you should tell your husband, you may be able to take your children and you back to your environment, their environment, and be happy, and perhaps, depending on your schedule plan quality time on weekends. As far as paying for two households, well, that I can't help with.

I can relate because something similiar happened to my wife.

The first department I was at was on this little in-the-middle-of-nowhere island in Alaska. The only way on and off the island was by airplane. Anyway, I had been trying to get a police job for a while and this was the first place that offered me a job so I took it.

Now, prior to that, my wife had a good paying job as a network administrator that she enjoyed. Her whole family lived nearby and we had a great network of friends..not to count all the school friends my kids had.

Anyway, she knew how badly I wanted to be an officer so she agreed to pack us up and off we went to ice-a$$ cold Alaska....where she knew no one and had no friends.

Now the community we moved to sounds somewhat like yours: small, close-knit but also closed off to 'outsiders'. For the longest time no one would talk to her because she wasn't "one of them."

Like you, she only had the kids and my boring a$$ to talk to and, since it was a small community, she couldn't even work because there were no jobs.

Anyway, it took a while but she/we were finally accepted as one of the community and things got better. My wife made several good friends and eventually got hired as a teacher at the school.

What I'm trying to say is, anytime you make a move to a strange place, things are going to be difficult but, given time, I'm sure you'll find things about your new town that you'll grow to enjoy and miss when you finally leave.

Give the place a chance. Find ways to engrain yourself into the community: take part in school functions/fundraisers, join a club etc.


Things will get better if you make an effort to make them better.

Join your local church and get involved in the community. I'm sure there are lots of people you can get to be friends with. Look for the positive and enjoy your family and husband. Think if you lost them and you had your old job back would you be happy. Prob not.

Join your local church and get involved in the community. I'm sure there are lots of people you can get to be friends with. Look for the positive and enjoy your family and husband. Think if you lost them and you had your old job back would you be happy. Prob not.

Do you really think they will be here 5 years later to read your answer?

Do you really think they will be here 5 years later to read your answer?

+1.

In point of fact, the OP in this thread has not returned sine the day after this post.

Cuff Em, it's considered bad form to post on threads that have lain dormant for long periods of time. Please restrict your posts to currently active threads only.

-Citicop.