Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Ok, I know I haven't been here in a few months, but hey it's summer. But anyway I have a problem and I am hoping you guys can help me out a little. I started seeing this guy about a month ago. We had met a few years ago when I was a bartender. We never went out at that time since I had a standing rule not to date customers. He never asked either. At that time he was going through a nasty divorce. Two years later we run into each other and have been seeing each other since. Now his ex ran around with every guy in town from what I understand. Played games with him. getting together making promises and then tuning around and doing the same things again till he finally had enough and filed. It really did a number on him. He tells me I should run now and not get attached because he isn't ready to trust anyone. But then he tells me at one point that he would love me forever as long as I never lie to him. Then he turns around and tells me to run. I work nights and he works days so we spend a lot of our free time together. He always calls has me come over. He makes me breakfast in the morning when I stay over. But dang am I confused. His ego, his pride and his trust in women as he puts it just isn't there. It's been two years since the divorce and I told him it was time to move on. He says he knows that and that he is trying.
You think this thread is confusing, you should be on this end. So any advice from anyone on this.

Have you seen that guy on Oprah that gives the relationship advice? In that guy's words, "hes just not that into you."

Have you seen that guy on Oprah that gives the relationship advice? In that guy's words, "hes just not that into you."

So, you watch Oprah eh?

nono, it's cool, really :p

IMHO, appears there is alot of games playing going on ... one minute this, one minute that ... as you said, it is confusing, but very unstable.

I am sure you want to be with someone who is STABLE. Someone you can see yourself with and not wonder will it be this or that? Move on and find soemone else!!!

So, you watch Oprah eh?

nono, it's cool, really :p

Oprah is loved by Texas investigators, Iraqi insurgents, and American hostages alike! :D

http://hotair.com/archives/2006/08/14/jill-carroll-we-watched-oprah/

Is your thinking based on logic or hormones? You have a past record of tolerating losers? You just found another fixer-upper fo a project? Leave the guy alone, he's not ready and is telling you that.

What's to think about? Take his advice and run!

I would strongly suggest that you go to your close friends and discuss this. A predominately male forum is NOT appropriate to discuss your love life etc, IMHO. This is the second time you have brought up troubled relationship dilemmas. I'm not trying to be mean, really, but this is what badge bunnies do...and I really thought you weren't one of them. But this thread really confuses me.

Cin has made a very good point, if you don't have any close friends I suggest you talk to your parents or clergyman about this thing.

I say run. How often is a guy willing to flat out tell you, before any commitment or really deep feelings for each other are present, that he's NOT going to trust you and to run? My guess: not very often. Usually it's the guys that don't get subtle hints. This guy's putting up a 20 foot billboard.

You know him, we don't. You ultimately make the decisions in your life. If your not happy, end it. I always tell people who come to me for advice the same thing. Also use your happiness as a rule of thumb, if your not happy; move on and be optimistic. "There will always be more fish in the sea".:)


-BLUE

Thanks guys. To ask my male friends would be useless since it was pointed out to me that they all seem to want some thing and most of my female friends all belong to that man haters club and my mother is the Queen. (I don't belong to the club).

Cinn, I know you aren't trying to be mean. I didn't think I was one either. And I hope to god I'm still not.

I just never had a guy be so open about what he was feeling. All women ask for it that, but I can honestly say when you do it get you have not a clue what to do with it.

Thanks guys. To ask my male friends would be useless since it was pointed out to me that they all seem to want some thing and most of my female friends all belong to that man haters club and my mother is the Queen. (I don't belong to the club).


Interesting, what is it that your male friends want, if I may ask?

Also, if all your females friend are "male haters"...as you've stated above,
why do you associate with them? Just curious...take care.

Well, well, well...I like to think I am somewhat of an expert on the whole dating thing...

My advice...Leave now.

A predominately male forum is NOT appropriate to discuss your love life etc, IMHO.

Au Contraire!! Discuss away!!! :D

Au Contraire!! Discuss away!!! :D
See what I mean Lawmans Lady ;)

j/k mxwelch






Well girl, I hope things are going well. And I forgot to tell you earlier...Don't take crap from any guy!

This guy is telling you to leave so that he can justify to himself whatever he does to you later.

to borrow a script from one of those horror movies... GET OUT!!

This guy is telling you to leave so that he can justify to himself whatever he does to you later.

to borrow a script from one of those horror movies... GET OUT!!

Maybe he's just embarrassed to admit the real reason you should run--that he turns into a vampire or werewolf when the moon is full! :D

This guy is telling you to leave so that he can justify to himself whatever he does to you later.[/B][/SIZE]

Even though this is predominately male forum some of these guys have some very good advice. And I really do like what cheeker said. That made a lot of sense.


Don't take crap from any guy!

I try not to but every once in awhile one throughs me off.


Interesting, what is it that your male friends want, if I may ask?
Also, if all your females friend are "male haters"...as you've stated above,
why do you associate with them? Just curious...take care

You must not have very many male friends if you have to ask that. Although I do have one male friend I can go to but he has been to busy chasing after this girl lately that we haven't had time to talk. And as for the "man haters" why wouldn't I associate with them. We don't have to agree on everything. The difference is I know when to let go and cut my loses and some of them don't.

You must not have very many male friends if you have to ask that. Although I do have one male friend I can go to but he has been to busy chasing after this girl lately that we haven't had time to talk. And as for the "man haters" why wouldn't I associate with them. We don't have to agree on everything. The difference is I know when to let go and cut my loses and some of them don't.

LOL ...I have 90% male friends! And, those male friends are a pretty impressive group of men I might add, but I still can turn to them for advice.
Oh, if you're talking about the fact of them hitting on you...been there done that.

There's a saying my grandmother use to share with me and here it is:
Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are.
If you can sit through a conversation with another woman and have her just constantly berate men, then you must feel the same way about men. You may not wish to admit it, but that's the truth.

Hmmmmmmm, not sure if I should opine or not, but here it goes. Speaking from a man's point of view, one who was f**ked by a bad divorce resulting from a spouses inability to tell the truth and be faithful, I can understand this persons point of view. Building up trust again can be very hard to do. At least he seems to be honest with you, albeit confused himself on what he wants. It really is up to you. Do you think this relationship is worth working on, or not? If you find there is too much stress and confusion, walk away. Lots of fish in the sea, as they say.

I'm a guy - so I can only give you a man's point of view. I was in the same situation with my (now wife) a couple years back. I could tell that she loved me enough to make a change no matter how hard it was going to be for her. Now dealing with it was hard for me I loved her and she loved me... I'm not sure if you're "in that deep". If you are then I say you should probably do what YOU feel is right.

I'm not saying don't ask anybody else for advice, close friends are probably better to ask than here... But if you have no real time/love invested I'd probably say move on. If you really love him and you know he feels the same about you then sit down and talk to him about it like you've talked here and let him know how you feel. If he's willing to work thru this with you then he should *hopefully* tell you - if he says he's not going to change and that you're going to have to deal with it then you know what to do.

I wish you the best of luck!

Mike

AGAIN with the Chestnuts!!!

And the one where she called me "Cheeker" no less!!