Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

I'll start by saying that I'm new here. My husband, of a less than a year, has decided that he wants to follow his life long dream of being a police officer. I am 100% supportive of him in this new career change, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I was a little scared. How do the other wives out there do it? Can anyone offer me some advice?

My wife tends to worry about me a lot. So I don't tell her much of the potentially dangerous stuff unless I come home with bruises or cuts that she's going to notice.

I have found that it works best telling her about my night like this: "I had a DUI and possession of narcotics arrest last night. He wasn't real cooperative, but there weren't any serious problems."

Rather than like this: "I had a stop last night and when I was trying to give him field sobriety tests he decided to swing at me. Me and two other officers wrestled with him for a minute, got the cuffs on without any of us getting hurt, and later found an Advil bottle with ten Oxycontin tablets in it in the guy's pocket."

I think this thread says it all!

http://forums.realpolice.net/showthread.php?t=47464&highlight=valor+wife

My wife wanted to be a cop herself. She was a dispatcher and got into the academy. She had to drop out because of ankle problems that still plague her today.

She has always wanted to hear all the details. I know that deep in her heart she feels like she has missed out on doing something that she really wanted to do. As a result, she wants to live the life (a little bit) vicariously through me. If doing so helps her fill whatever void she feels from not doing it herself, I am 100% on board.

I say, urge your husband to try it, especially if it has been a life-long dream. Understand that during the academy, it will seem like you are being neglected; this sounds harsh - but suck it up and don't give him a ration of crap about it. Remember that for the first year(s) he will be learning. Over time, he will ease into being the person that more closely resembles the one you know now. Just be patient and supportive.

As far as being scared - Unfortunately that comes with the territory. You didn't say how large a Department, or where, so I don't know the level of danger he will face. While all police work has the potential to be dangerous, some are more dangerous than others.

Know that the more danger he faces, the more training he gets. Trust in the training. Encourage him to practice defensive tactics. Become interested in target shooting and ask that he take you and teach you. Then ask to go to the range once a month and practice and have him practice.

There are courses that people can attend run by private companies that train in firearms, defensive tactics, and other important life-saving skills. Surprise him on a birthday or Christmas with a paid tuition to one of those schools. The 3 to 5 year mark of law enforcement would be ideal for that.

In the end - just be there as a partner. Trust that he wants to get home to you as much as you want him to get home. The mental "will to live" has often been the deciding factor of people in life threatening situations.

I'll start by saying that I'm new here. My husband, of a less than a year, has decided that he wants to follow his life long dream of being a police officer. I am 100% supportive of him in this new career change, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I was a little scared. How do the other wives out there do it? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Try this website

http://www.heavybadge.com/wives.htm

Obviously this may or may not apply to your situation as each person is different, but it may help to shed some light on the topic.

Wishing both of you the very best.

It's not going to be easy all the time, but just support the best you can.

If you and your husband are anything like me and my wife, you wil be a huge part of the officer that he becomes, more than likely without even realising it.

Every time I do a BIG job (a death involved), a high risk job of some sort, etc, I go through the job with my wife.

First of all, we set the rules early. I asked her if she wanted to know the details or would rather be left in the dark. She said without the details she would just imagine the worst so I tell it to her like it is. Secondly, we have worked in country areas, and for a while she worked in bars. These two combined meant that she would hear all the news from the locals, over the bar. There, pretty well, was no hiding the truth from her, and sometimes the stories she would hear might not be accurate. If I told her what happened that shift, then she knew the truth.

And, I got to learn from her. At my first death (a drug overdose) I had to help ambos (paramedics) with CPR etc. The guy died but that was inevitable. I was a cop for about a month. I got home, I went through the job with my wife. I examined every little thing that I did. My wife had been on the other end some years ago, when her borther died tragically. She dealt with the Police etc then. It gave her an insight that I did not have. We discussed the good and bad things I did, and compared them to her experiences when her brother died.

It's jobs like this that you only get one shot at doing right.

Also from other posts around this site I see that it is a world wide thing that cops get the raw deal daily. We go to work and bust our butts trying to get crooks in jail. We get criticised by people who have no idea how hard the job is. We get little to no support from the courts. And that isn't even starting to mention the actual physical risk we put ourselves in to help others.When we get home and we are met by a supportive wife (or husband) those of us that get it, truly appreciate it. (Well I do anyway).

I let my wife know regularly that she is a big part of my life and my career and remind her contstantly that I do this job so our kids can grow up in as safe world as possible.

Having said all the negatives about the job, I will add that I am immensely proud to wear a blue uniform, and see this job as one with incredible honour.

Obviously each person is different and so is each married couple. If your husband does choose Police as a way of life (it is more than just a job), then you two will have to work out what you require from each other and what you can give each other in return. Be strong and supportive (both of you) and remember what he is doing the job for.

If you are still in doubt, surf the web and see if you can find sites like this one for plumbers, or bankers, or bus drivers, or ....I think you get my point.

I don't mean to dissrespect any of the other professions, but Policing certainly will open up your lives to a whole new family. The Police family. Like all good families, there is always the embarrassing uncle with the lamp shade on his head, but also like all good families, you'll always have someone who will have your back in a time of trouble.

Check some of the thread here:

http://www.policewives.org

I am marrying my LEO next week. He has been on the job for six years and spent five years as a Marine before that, so he was pretty salty by the time I met him. I've talked to him about what he was like before entering the LE field, and he is the first to admit that he has changed significantly -- and sometimes not for the best.

He is cynical and has a really morbid sense of humor. He hates going out ANYWHERE, and he generally does not like people. We live in a large city, so you can imagine. Since we have been together, he has been attacked (numerous times) with a knife or other sharp object, shot at, in fights, bitten by a dog, and general scrapes and scraps. He works at night, and I work during the day, and we go for a 96-hour stretch where we don't see or talk to each other for more than five minutes at a time. I do holidays without him, and we have to schedule our social life around his availability.

I'm not saying all this to scare you, but to let you know what it's like. It's not a life for everyone. I've had to learn to be super-independent and learn to meet my emotional needs elsewhere. I worry about him, but not like you might think. He's well-trained, and he's pretty damn smart. I think he worries about me more. ;)

Thank you so much everyone for replying. My husband met with some of his friends who are police officers yesterday, and they told him to go to college and then apply. He had been thinking about that already, so that is his new goal. Thank you so much for taking your time to write me. Stay safe out there.