Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive
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04-17-05, 10:42 PM
Okay, well my boyfriend just started his first day of training with the United States Capitol Police and I am a little worried. I am not really worried about him, I've read up on a lot of stuff concerning police marriages and the thing that worries me is that I am not going to be able to be understanding enough and patient enough to deal with all this! I am sooo incredibly proud of him, and really excited for him to (I mean it is pretty cool all the he gets to do) but I really would appreciate any advice you might have concerning anything I should watch out for in my behaviour to prevent putting to much stress on him now and in the future. Thanks so much!
04-17-05, 11:03 PM
Just remember that police work can make a person seem selfish and some spouses can't handle it. That is where I think most of the problems lie. There are times that I do not feel like talking about my day at work because possible something bad happened, or a close call or something like that. My wife is great, I couldn't have asked for a better one. She knows that when I ask her to not ask me about my day, she doesn't. There are times I am gone literally all day at work. Tuesday will be one of those days. I have court at 0900, then it's straight to the range, then it's straight to my shift and hopefully I get off on time and will get home at 0000. Just keep these things in mind.
I remember watching COPS back when instead of just the action shots they would follow an officer around literally all day. The guy just got home and didn't feel like talking about his day and his wife kept pressuring him. Finally she said that the only reason she married him was because he was a cop and she wanted to hear the exciting stories.
04-17-05, 11:08 PM
Just the fact that you posted on here shows that you're a supportive partner. That's half the battle. I would suggest keeping an open ear or letting him keep to himself if he needs to.
Give him a kiss and tell him you love, respect, are proud of and support him! That will go a long way.
Welcome to the board!
04-17-05, 11:20 PM
Thanks so much for the answers! I was reading posts from another website and it was all just wives talking about how their marriages are disasters and how he's changed so much and never has time for them and on and on...it really scares me...I don't want to be that kind of wife to him and I'm going to try do everything I can to be as supportive and understanding as I can be. What do you guys wish you wives/girlfriends understood better or didn't bother you about? Once again thanks so much! this is really helpful.. :)
First judge a man by who he is, not what he does. I have seen many cops who let the job go straight to their heads and that is when trouble starts. As long as your boyfriend is grounded, then he should be fine.
I don't think I've ever thought about what kind of job my friends and boyfriend have. Sure I worry, but I worry about every cop I work with when my spidey sense starts tingling. Don't start treating him differently - he is still the same guy, just with a different job.
04-18-05, 04:00 PM
Check out LAPDwife.com and http://behindthebadge.blogspot.com/ , even if you are not LAPDC the woman there are very helpfula nd welcome everyone, there are many from other departments who comment there.
Also, read " Cop's don't cry" and I Love a cop. But dobn't waste your money on married to the badge.
04-18-05, 04:01 PM
I read some sites where it seems it's full of bitter and lonely housewives too. but you have to find the positive and good ones. They are out there and that lonely bitter way of life isn't the way it should be or has to be and not the way of many I know, including myself.
04-18-05, 04:11 PM
When I am excited about my day I want my wife to listen to my stories. When I'm depressed about my day I don't want her bugging me about it. She's pretty good about all that.
Keep in mind you don't know how we are trained and what is expected of us at work. Some of the biggest arguments we have had are when I'm trying to explain why an officer in the news was justified for what they did and she thinks they were wrong. It drives me nuts. Fortunately for me, my wife will actually listen to me and let me explain the situation and let me persuade her. She will actually admit she was wrong and then be supportive.
I love my husband, and as was said before, it's what he does, not who he is. Unfortunately, I have seen too many man live their life around "being a cop". It's sad. We have such an eclectic group of friends, not all cops, we do things together that we both enjoy, I love hearing about his day (good or bad) and I am the one he wants to share it with. We were best friends that happened to get married. There are pitfalls of being a wife in general when your husband works shift work, when you're a cops wife you have to add "no excusals" for certain events, OT for a collar, late notification for court, etc. You get used to it and, sometimes, its advantageous to be able to see your friends, having complete control of the TV remote :p , etc. I love my husband, bottom line. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've worried about him on the job. I worry more about that damn motorcycle (of course, that didn't stop me from buying my own....). Just make sure you have things to keep you busy. Otherwise, you'll resent it. Good luck.
04-20-05, 02:20 PM
I would suggest Emotional Surivival for Law Enforcement by Gilmartin. It talks about the emotional rollercoaster that police officers go through on a daily basis and how we can get sucked into the job, be great cops and lousy at home; drained of all energy or desire to make any decisions. He should read it to. It explains how important it is to have hobbies and be active with your family, to have an identity outside of work.
04-22-05, 12:29 AM
It sounds like you have the right attitude and the right approach to this just by what you are doing here. Reading up on other's experiences, learning from other's mistakes and success and just having an open heart and mind to your spouse will get you far. And never be afraid to ask other spouses for support. My husband's been with the LAPD for 16 years now and I've been through quite a bit - or known others who have too. We're here for you! : )