Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

I'll have to change that! LOL My name is Lisa and I am a state police spouse. How many other spouses or family members of police officers do we have here? Say aye!

:)

My fiancee' is here too :)

Hey there.....not married or dating any LEO's but I do have family in the field. ANd of course all my family here!!!!!

Hiya, TW...I just found this forum...I'm married to one...Rover, you know. I just love having a hubby in le. Makes me feel all safe and protected! How about you?

Also, gotta love a man in uniform. Ultimately...I love knowing that MY hubby comes home to ME at night :) After keeping the streets safe for a bit :)

Hmm?
Most of the cops that I know are cheaters. In Mesa, AZ they even post the pictures of the dispatch operators so that the cops can check for new meat.

A couple of years ago an officer named "Cory" (I don't remember his last name, but he worked Dobson Graves) had to transfer to a new dept. in TX to avoid being fired for having sexual relations with women in his patrol car.

My ex g/f's dad was a stand up cop though and very faithful, so I guess there is still help for you all. Of course he was getting pretty old and fat so maybe he didn't have a lot of options.

Wow, I think you've taken cynicism to a whole new level. I was married to a cop once. She may have been cheating on me, but that wasn't the reason why we divorced each other. I wasn't cheating on her either. "The Job" wasn't really the reason also, but I'm certain it didn't help. We just weren't happy with each other. There are players out there but I know a couple of people who are dentists and construction workers who are unfaithful too. It seems like "Cynic" likes to paint with a very broad brush.

Cynic,
Yes, cops cheat. But so do other professions. Cops do have more affairs, though. What about sports stars? And movie stars?
As for your comment on posting the pictures of new dispatchers -- I am a dispatcher. Yes, my picture was posted when I started. So what? It wasn't like I was wearing a teddy, and the picture caption said "For a good time, call... ". The reason they do that is so the cops can place a face with the voice. I don't know how every cop feels, but I know my officers need to know I am doing everything I can to keep them safe, and a personal connection helps them know that. I know that cops joke about us being their meat market, but if a girl/guy is going to be that slutty, it will happen at any job.

I have a high regard for marital vows, which is why I am not married yet. I do admit I flirt, a lot, but I make a point of letting the men know that I am just playing. It doesn't mean that I am right in doing it, but I don't take it to any other level other than harmless flirting.

How did we get from being married or engaged to law enforcement to all cops are cheaters? I am very confused?

Cynic, I hang out with leo's and while some of them may be womanizers or flirts...not all leo's are cheaters. My hubby is a flirt, but then again, so am I. Were you on the receiving end of an affair or were you having an affair? You sound very bitter.

I agree with FOP, there are cheaters in every profession not just in le.

Of course, it doesn't make it easy when people throw themselves at men in uniforms either.

*Two Fingers Snap and a Hip Thrust*

Yeah......what she said....YOU GO GIRL!

Kimmers,
I just re-read this thread and you are right. I did take this in a whole different direction. Sorry. I suppose that I was just venting a little hostility because I know many le wives that say exactly the same type of thing. It kind of makes me mad when I know that they have no idea what is really going on. My loyalty is to my friends first and it is not my business to tell their wives any different.

This may not be the case for you and I hope it is not, you come across as nice as any of the le wives that I know.

Oh and you caught me! LOL
I was on the recieving end! Ouch! :D
She was one of the pictures on the wall! I can't really blame her though. It was a long time ago and I was kind of an a$$ at the time. (At least I can admit it! :) )

None of my le friends have helped since then either. All of them, except for one, are unfaithful. It's hardest when I am speaking to their wives, most are very nice and don't seem to have any idea what is going on. (one is awful though! I won't name any names, but Kate you know who you are. Haha!)

FOP900,
I agree that cheating is not exclusive to job title. It is just way more common in my le friends than my friends in other professions. (The firefighters are pretty bad too, but it is kind of a joke with them and they seem to stay single longer. I wonder why that is?) Anyway, this is just my personal experience. (That is what shapes our view of the world isn't it?)

It just seems like the le guys are more proud of it. They act like cats bringing in dead mice from outside, strutting around like "look what I did, ain't it great!"

STUMP,
I agree with you and if this was a rock star board I would say, "Shame on you Rock Stars for being unfaithful!" And "Rock Star wives why are you so blind" (Oh never mind there are a lot more perks to being a Rock Star wife.) :D

You said yourself that "...cops joke about us being their meat market..." Thanks for helping me reconfirm what I already hear in person. Why do you suppose they say that? My guess is that it's because their is an element of truth behind it.

Oh, well,
"I am sorry I started a fight a your Black Panther Paaartyy" ~ Forrest Gump

Regards,
Cynic.

First of all....Jenna...it has been such a long time....how are you doing? I've missed chatting with you. I've stopped by a few times but you weren't there at that particular moment. So, I hope this New Year is bringing you everything you want....

Now, back to the serious topic at hand. Cynic, maybe some leo's joke about dispatchers being "fresh meat." However, where my hubby works...if their dispatchers are their "fresh meat," I feel very, very sorry for them. As far as leo's wives "being blind," I don't consider myself an idiot. I think people see what they want to see. Perhaps some of the wives that you are referring to know what is going on but for the sake of their family prefer to ignore it. Or perhaps they have a little something going on tooo. I for one am not stupid or blind. I think in any marriage BOTH parties need to keep on top of their relationship. Don't take each other for granted...now can this be the relationship miracle? Probably not, but if you have committed two committed people, hopefully they can make it through the bad times and be with each other for the good times.

I'm very sorry about your past experience. Most important thing is to realize the woman you are and to be the very best you can be. The man was obviously a jerk and ouch...that hurts.

I like you have seen the "macho" attitude in le but sometimes it is just that..."all bark and no bite."

I believe that MY Rover is different than the leo's you know. He is kind and caring and I believe him when he says that he loves me.

It is nice to hear that you and you husband are not only faithful to one & other but still have faith in each other. My wife was always a true believer that cops and firemen are dogs. And unfortunately she has had the experience of one that was in particular. Gratefully, she changed her opinion and chose to deal with the stereotype and let me win her support and her faith in me.
In defense of the Cynic, there is always a slight ray of truth in stereotypes,otherwise no one would be able to relate to them. :eek:

I never even thought to read this area because I don't exactly have a "better half"....lol......but good lord. I would have to agree with all of you on this subject and add my 2 cents worth of course.....

I have many friends who are guys and who are in LE and who are married. I also am a major flirt. I find nothing wrong with men and women being friends. If you are in love with someone and completely committed to them then there should never be a problem in this area. This of course is where trust comes into play. If there is even the slightest bit of distrust the relationship is not a healthy one. There is also a factor called communication. If you can't be completely honest with and tell all to the person that you are suppose to love wholeheartedly then who can you. And as for the whole cheating thing. Well thats a whole other story. People do it for many different reasons. Not just LEO's and not just LEO's in abundance. In any highly (peer) respected career you will find that cheaters are more well known and public. Its not necessarily because they do it more just that they are public figures and are more into the public eye. That of course doesn't mean that other jobs are minorities in this matter. It has nothing to do with profession and everything to do with morals and virtue. I guess it just all depends on how much you are willing to compose within yourself as a person and towards those you choose to love.

Well said, Byu!

You are correct that men and women can be friends and should be. Problems occur when communication stops between significant others. As long as one party is not trying to hide a friendship from the other party, there should be no problem at all. Heck, we all have friends of the opposite sex. Not a bit wrong with flirting. As you all know...I'm a flirt tooooo.

I imagine most of us have been hurt by a significant other at some point in our relationships. What matters most is how you handle the situation and where you go from the hurt.

I know what you mean about the slightest distrust can hurt a relationship but sometimes relationships have had hurtful, distrustful things happen that causes one party to be a bit distrustful...you cannot fault that party for having feelings of distrust. The parties in the relationship might be in a rebuilding, reunifying stage and that is a normal part of overcoming obstacles.

I hope that we can move on from this forum and discuss topics that are more heart warming than this current topic of cheating and stuff.

FOP, it is all a matter of perspective. I'm glad your wife let you prove that there are upstanding MEN out there. I think that is what we have been missing. As I said before...it isn't just LEO's that have this problem. I know lots of men and many of them cheat, come on to other women, etc. It is all in the morale of the man himself.

Now, I'm done with this topic...hopefully someone can start something more cheery!!!!

It's all in the morale of the man himself?!?! Did I miss something here?? I have known a few female culprits in this field also! We haven't exactly cornered the market on this. LOL :rolleyes:

I apologize, FOP. I stand corrected. I should have said that every person is responsible for their own morale makeup. Please accept this as my apology. Men definitely don't have the corner on the cheatin market.

Hello...I'm married to a LEO(10 years). I haven't burned through all the threads here, but I do have to say that it is very common for infidelity to take place in the LE field. What makes it so different than a rock star being a skirt chaser is the fact that these guys are out their to uphold the law and more or less be a pillar to society(so to speak). I have been a spouse to LE for 10 years and have seen the worst behavior and heard the worst stories....it's even more difficult to attend the barbecues and see the other wives reject any ideas of their hubbys infidelity because they are "so close and we communicate". Hello....I don't think the LEO's idea was to share the infidelity with his spouse....the idea isn't to get caught. Many officers in the department were very sneaky....having women in and out of patrol cars....stopping off before heading home to get a little side action. It's very disturbing, but spouses would have no clue to what's going on unless they were caught RIGHT in the act. I have seen infidelity destroy families and break down women's self-esteem. I really feel that something needs to be done about it and I'm actually trying to implement a program with the federal government to help new officers to see the signs before they become an issue. There are ways for these guys to avoid this behavior, I really think that alot of times they don't see it coming. Unlike women, I think guys think of the"here & now" while women think of the long term affects. That's just my input and forgive me if I repeated something someone else said.....I didn't read ALL the posts.

I'm married to a police officer and I can tell you women come on to him all the time, even off duty&in front of me. No respect! He' s very attractive, but so am I. Some of these girls - women are just trash. I do know of quite a few that cheat and I get so mad b/c my husband thinks it's funny. He's probably doing the same thing they are. I just haven't caught him yet. I love him so much but I can't constantly be thinking that he's doing that to me too. I'm going to drive myself crazy.

I wish I could give you some comforting advice in this area but I cannot. For such a long time I had a hard time with this issue but then I realized that only I can control my own emotions. You've just got to live your life. I love my husband too..with my whole heart. We've been through some rough times and our marriage is pretty rock solid right now.

Communication is the key...but it has to work both ways. If you have problems in this area, talk to a therapist...it really does help.

Where the hell is rover anyway? If he doesnt get back on here I'm gonna fire his ***! Bring him back, Kimmers....let him out to play!

Thanks for the response! I know that I need to communicate with him better. He's not so great in that field though. I'll keep on trying. Thanks again!

Hey any time! I hope it works out for you. Communication is alot harder than people seem to think. Especially staying away from "you" statements, etc. But once you start the process, it really does build on its own.

Jenna, Rover has been quite busy lately. Did you move, Jenna? How are things goin? I hope fine. We've just been really busy with life lately....what can I say? Miss chattin' with ya, though.

I wonder if there is something that makes cheating so acceptable, or at least, tolerated, on this job is because of how much we depend on each other. I have to keep my mouth shut when some of the guys on my shift bring out the "hiders" when we go out after shift. If I said something at the next Christmas get together to the wife it could have a direct effect on me. The wives tell me I should be on the female side and disclose this stuff, like what time they finished work, if they got overtime etc... I do think that women should stick together but that wife's husband may be the only guy clear on the road when I need back up and we have to trust each other on the road. I hate it...they make me sick to be honest. I often wish there was some way I could let the wife know because when you are the only one in the world who does not know about what your husband is doing, when you find out that must be the most awful feeling in the world. Good Island girl in your attempt to do something about it.

Gongshow, I definitely agree with you. First off, alot of wives are in denial when it comes to this issue. They might say they want to know but if you were to tell them that their husbands were chearing, chances are they would not believe you because they just don't want to accept the fact. It has been my experience with talking to other wives that usually when you have an inkling that something is wrong...you are probably correct.

Secondly, you are correct. There is a tremendous amount of trust between officers...there has to be. You cannot be expected to betray that trust because you might need to count on them and if you were to cause marital strife for one of your fellow partners, you might not get back up.

I don't know why cheating is so prevalent in le. Perhaps it is because of all the crap the officers see on a daily basis and the badge bunnies out there throwing themselves at them at every turn, I don't know. The fact is that people should start acting like adults...treat people the way they want to be treated. No one likes disloyalty and dishonesty. Always take a moment to just think before you act...think if you would want that to happen to you.

This post contains some very interesting stuff....very thought provoking. I have always know the problem of cheating tends to run rampade in law enforcement....it is something I will have to watch out for in about a years time. I have a better understand of the reservation my g/f has about me becoming a cop....I can already see the seeds of distrust beginning to sprout in our relationship....I'm not sure if she is strong enough to handle it. I have never broken my trust/promise to her, and cheating due to religious convictions is not for me.
I agree that educating officers to the social ramifications of law enforcement, the traps and the tempatations, should be on the calriculum at the academy. Ultimately, IMHO, the choice lies with the individual....their moral character will determine if they will cheat or not. Yet I imagine that LE face every kind of temptation imaginable....sex being the most seductive because it is not against the law. Most probabily justify it as "well I don't take brides or favors....so I will take the illicit relations". I guess me and my g/f will have to have another chat.

Good luck, Athas. I'm sure she will be able to handle the stress of it. Just always remember to openly communicate. That is very important. Also, remember not to exclude her. Sometimes you might not want to talk about what happend but try to.

Those are just my words of advice to you for what it is worth. I was married to a police officer for 12 years. He decided that there was tooo much crap and shifted professions just this month. I can already see the difference in his attitude and persona.

Thanks for the input Kimmers. Best luck to you and your husband in his new line of work!!! :)