Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Okay so my 11 year old son is kinda pissed at me at the moment. Here’s the story:

He kicked *** in school so we surprised him at Christmas with an XBox console and some games, including Halo 2. We’ve already got a PS2 so this was an added bonus for him. Between the two of us, we’ve got about 50 games. Mostly racing, shooting/strategy, and some sports. We made agreement that he can’t play Grand Theft Auto:Vice City or any street crime violence games like that because I just don’t like games where you can murder innocents and police officers and have sex with prostitutes, then murder them for your money back.

Well, he went over his friend’s house and played the sequel to Vice City, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and got busted by yours truly. This game is adored by gang-bangers and they identify with it all the way. Everything from the low-riders to the hardware they carry and even the gang graffiti is in this game. I flipped and basically grounded him for a week, mostly because he broke our agreement and tried to cover it up. My wife thinks that I’m hypocritical because we play Halo 2 and Navy Seals Socom II together. I tell her that it’s different because it’s simulated war where the enemy is the enemy and you’re not rewarded for committing crimes like shooting a cop in the head and taking his gun away.

I’m not trying to be The Church Lady or anything but I believe my convictions are solid on this. My son is a good kid and I trust him to make the right decisions when I’m not around but I don’t think this game will turn him into something he’s not. I just don’t believe in it and I’m taking a personal stand against it.

What do you all think? Should I just let it go? Please don’t pull your punches, I don’t have a glass jaw.

No way, Gooch, you guys made a deal and he busted on it. He'll see you are a man of your word and that you expect him to reciprocate.

You know... I do see where you are coming from. I really do. But by making it taboo, you make it the forbidden fruit, and hes gonna want to know what hes missing. Especially if his friends have it and are playing it.

11 year olds are pretty smart. Did you explain to him like you did to us, why you hate the game so much? Did you explain to him that youre disappointed in him and that he got grounded, not so much because he was playing a game, but because you trusted him and he violated that trust? Did you give him the opportunity to come to you with it?

I dont think that youre overreacting at all by the way... but you can really put up a wall between you if you leave it at being grounded. My suggestion would be...

First, explain to him that you put a lot of faith in him to make good decisions, and he disappointed you by making a bad one.

Second, go into more detail about WHY you have issues with the game... possibly, even go rent it, and play it with him... then relate to him some RL stories you have seen as a cop, that are concurrent with the game so he can really grasp WHY you dislike it so much.

Finally, make sure that he knows... that if he is facing a tough choice like that, that you will ALWAYS be there for him... and that he will never get into trouble for coming to talk to you about it, and trying to come to a reasonable compromise. Trouble only comes from making bad choices and then lying about them.

Just my .02 cents. (And btw... I handled that game, just like that with my then 13 year old. We rented it.. .and I watched while he played. Then told him stories of some of the things hub saw working in Compton.)

You know, I did go into it with him about why I didn't like the game but as I talked, a funny thing started happenning. I started to hear my words but coming from my father's mouth. Almost before my eyes, I could see the ADD kicking in and I was losing him. I got the feeling that he felt I was being "cop" instead of Dad. I think we made the agreement too late. His friends were all talking about it and hyping it up before it came out while I was at work cursing the game developers for going too far to other officers. Basically I got all mush-mouthed and just ended up saying "because I said so, that's why".

I've got a better relationship with him than I ever did with my own father, and I'm his step-dad.

You know, I did go into it with him about why I didn't like the game but as I talked, a funny thing started happenning. I started to hear my words but coming from my father's mouth. Almost before my eyes, I could see the ADD kicking in and I was losing him. I got the feeling that he felt I was being "cop" instead of Dad. I think we made the agreement too late. His friends were all talking about and hyping it up before it came out while I was at work cursing the game developers for going too far to other officers. Basically I got all mush-mouthed and just ended up saying "because I said so, that's why".

Becoming your own parent, is the hardest thing about being a parent. I have a habit of catching myself and saying OUT LOUD to him... "OMG... I sound just like my mom." It tends to get his attention.. and gives me the opportunity to take a new direction.

Kids are funny animals =) They want desperately to have your approval, but they also want to test their wings. You just have to find the happy, (and safe) compromise.

I wish you the best hun=)

You know what is cool is that you guys jam together on Socom and whatnot. If more dad's did the same perhaps there would be less ruffians in the world.

You know what is cool is that you guys jam together on Socom and whatnot. If more dad's did the same perhaps there would be less ruffians in the world.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!

"Mean what you say, and say what you mean"

If you told him no, that means no. And we all know one of the most important parts of parenting is following through.

Don't give in, it will just come back to bite you in the arse.

My 2 cents....although my son hasn't grown old enough to play such a radically anti-police game as Grand Theft Auto, if he was I would demand that he didn't. It just doesn't send the right message to a growing mind.

The double standard with my belief is that he and I occasionally play Half Life deathmatch one on one, or with bots, on our three computer home network. My wife doesn't care for it. However, at least it doesn't depict an enironment that breaking the law is a rush and authority figures are nothing more than your next target.

I think some of these games help build hand and eye coordination, but I'd have to draw the line with playing Grand Theft Auto.

My 2 cents....although my son hasn't grown old enough to play such a radically anti-police game as Grand Theft Auto, if he was I would demand that he didn't. It just doesn't send the right message to a growing mind.

The double standard with my belief is that he and I occasionally play Half Life deathmatch one on one, or with bots, on our three computer home network. My wife doesn't care for it. However, at least it doesn't depict an enironment that breaking the law is a rush and authority figures are nothing more than your next target.

I think some of these games help build hand and eye coordination, but I'd have to draw the line with playing Grand Theft Auto.

Exactly! To me, there's a world of difference between a Dad and son shooting at aliens or rushing the beach at Normandy together as opposed to a bunch of youths banging a prostitute.

Thanks for the input Gents and Ladies. I'll talk to him again about that trust thing but that game is still off limits.

I totally agree with you Gooch. I saw my little brother playing that game and I saw him shooting cops and I said, "How can you do that!?" I got really offended, even though it's just a game. He didn't see it the same way.

It's a totally different thing when cops are the targets, as opposed to all the other shoot 'em up games where you're killing monsters or robots or even just other people.

Gooch, from one Dad to another, you and your son had an agreement. He broke it. Now he has to face the results. This will make him a better person. I know you might feel like crap for a bit but you will make it through and so will he.

I really hope no one thought for a second, that I was suggesting going soft and letting him off the hook! Just ways of communicating... for better understanding.

I would say you have gone a bit too far also. As a young adult he's going to have access to those games at friends houses or arcades.

The best thing to do is just make sure that he understands that it's just a game and has good values of right and wrong instilled in him.

A killing game is a killing game no matter what they are dessed up as. Now I can see where as a parent you would like to limit ther access to games that are appropriate for their age regarding sex and violance and it's importante to look at the ratings on the back.

He had an agreement with you and he broke it and tried to cover it up. for that, he should be punished.

However, as already mentioned, he is going to come into contact with a lot of things you don't want him to, including this game, through his friends. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is educate him and let him make his own decisions when the time comes.

He is 11 though, so I wouldn't be keen on letting my son play a game as graphic as that until he was older. I also think it's great that you play games against him. That's gotta be a great bonding tool, if nothing else. My wife won't play any of the games with me, and going to take too long to grow a kid, so I have to play via the internet.

On a side note, I wish the developers of that game would put their talent to using that game-engine to create a game from a police perspective. That would be a game I would play.

Gooch,

Stick with it, your son WILL appreciate what you have done and why there were rules about this one day.

My dad kept me on the straight & narrow, I didn't like what he did back then all the rules "crampin' me style" , But now I'm sooooo greatful that he did.

Jim

P.S. I think we all end up sounding like our parents one day :o

An uncle of mine is a Chicago cop, you can imagine what happened when my cousin started listening to cop-killing "gangsta rap" lol.

You are right, not only in being a PARENT and deciding what your son can and cannot watch/play/listen to, but also because you can give reasons why, and you can stand by your decisions 100%. Good move.

I would say you have gone a bit too far also. As a young adult he's going to have access to those games at friends houses or arcades.

The best thing to do is just make sure that he understands that it's just a game and has good values of right and wrong instilled in him.

A killing game is a killing game no matter what they are dessed up as. Now I can see where as a parent you would like to limit ther access to games that are appropriate for their age regarding sex and violance and it's importante to look at the ratings on the back.

I don't consider an 11 year old as a young adult. He's a kid. A young adult to me is someone that is 18 or 19. He knows it's just a game and I know he would never act these things out. To me it's about some game developers tapping into psychopathic fantasies of kids just to make some cash. The labels might as well be invisible because the marketing is focused on kids like a laser. I'm not trusting a label for me to give the green light.

I don't even want to get into a conversation I overheard about a game called "Beach Volleyball". Sounds innocent, right? It's a bunch of well- endowed bikini-clad babes playing volleyball against each other. The graphics are very realistic with emphasis on the jumblies.

I don't consider an 11 year old as a young adult. He's a kid. A young adult to me is someone that is 18 or 19. He knows it's just a game and I know he would never act these things out. To me it's about some game developers tapping into psychopathic fantasies of kids just to make some cash. The labels might as well be invisible because the marketing is focused on kids like a laser. I'm not trusting a label for me to give the green light.

I agree completely.

The comercial was just on. At the end the voice says "Rated M for Mature". 11 is not mature yet. You did the right thing.

I don't even want to get into a conversation I overheard about a game called "Beach Volleyball". Sounds innocent, right? It's a bunch of well- endowed bikini-clad babes playing volleyball against each other. The graphics are very realistic with emphasis on the jumblies.

I know you said you didn't want to get into it, but I chuckled at 'jumblies'. I saw a trailer for that game on a disc that comes with the computer magazine I get. You can even pick your own style of string bikini and the 'jumblies' bounce like mad. :D

The game rating in this instance does not matter. What does matter is that Goochs son broke an agreement. He is learning the value of a man keeping his word. Its a good lesson to learn.

I know you said you didn't want to get into it, but I chuckled at 'jumblies'. I saw a trailer for that game on a disc that comes with the computer magazine I get. You can even pick your own style of string bikini and the 'jumblies' bounce like mad. :D


Maybe I'll get that game for me and keep it in my gun box...hmmm

:cool:

The game rating in this instance does not matter. What does matter is that Goochs son broke an agreement. He is learning the value of a man keeping his word. Its a good lesson to learn.

Yes Norm, if you read my first response to this thread, I said "If you told him no, that means no. And we all know one of the most important parts of parenting is following through."

This was in reference to not letting him play the game in the first place.

You know, this is probably the best parenting thread I have seen here yet. Everyone had something to share and was completely civil about it. Im impressed!

My son is 10 and there are games I won't allow him to play, he know's they are fantasy but that is not the point,
Yes you did the right thing.

I am not a parent, but I think not letting him play the game in the first place was the right thing to do. I bought a PS2 and that game because I have always enjoyed Grand Theft Auto, but I couldn't believe the language that I heard within the first ten minutes of turning it on.

A guy at work was going to buy the game for his daughters until I told him about the f-bombs and n-bombs that are thrown around like candy.