Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

My husband and I have known each other since high school
(now 27 & 29 years old). Although we didn't start dating until years after school, I always felt a special connection with him as I saw him through the years before we started dating. I think he has felt the same way ?? He is the most kind hearted, thoughtful, generous person I know, not the typical "cold hearted" LEO (I put that in "quotes" because I know alot of great LEO's and would never generalize). He has always wanted to be a LEO, which I love about him. He has been on the police department in the town he grew up in and loves for the past three years. We've been married for two.
Now to the point... Since we've been married, we've been living with my in laws to pay off our wedding and save for a house. It's always been stressful, but the last six months have been very difficult for us. He works second shift, so our time together is limited and when we are together he is distracted which upsets me. He recently told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore. He said that the job has changed who he is and he thinks we should have waited to get married so I can see the person he has become. Although I don't doubt there is truth to that, (I myself have changed) I think there is more underlying. Could the stress of the job be clouding his thoughts, feelings, thinking process? Has anyone here been through this and what has happened?

most of the people who read my comment will probably say 'eh shes 19 she doesnt know anything about love and marraige', and i dont completely disagree BUT here goes anyway:

i strongly believe any law enforcement job can drasticly change a person, for better or for worse can vary. to find out for sure, i think the two of you should take at least 6 more months to see how it goes. this way, if it is just stress, that should hopefully clear and he'll see he was wrong.

and, if he is right, maybe you'll be able to see it in that time too, and agree with him that maybe it was a mistake.


but, no matter what happens, i wish you the best and hope you two can work it out and be happy.

Thanks! I agree.

jr411, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Nykol had some good words there for you. I hope everything works out for the best, whatever the outcome is.

From my own personal experience, I can tell you that LE changes you. Before I became a cop, I always tried to put other people's feeling first, turn the other cheek, and basically try to walk that good Christian walk. But now, after 5 years, it's different. Don't get me wrong, I still try to be a good Christian, but now I take care of business. What I mean by that, is that after seeing so much death and bad stuff, the heart starts to get numb. It's how we deal with things...we laugh and joke at some of the sickest crime scenes. It's the only way to cope. Think about it, for the most part, cops are called at the lowest part of people's lives. We see things that normal people couldn't handle.

OK, I'm starting to ramble now. Back to what I meant about taking care of busines......I have no problem telling people like it is, even if that means hurting them. I am very blunt and to the point now. I never was like that before. In fact, I got married almost 15 years ago. I won't go into details, but I never should have married him. I finally put my foot down on not being happy, and am getting out of the marriage now. I can tell you now, if I never became a cop, I probably would have stayed married just for the kid's sake, and once again, put my feelings aside.

I didn't say this to scare you. What's meant to be is meant to be. I just thought if you understood a little better at some changes we go through, it might help you in some way.

I agree with all of the other advice that has been given to you here.
But i think you two NEED time alone. You live with your in- laws and as you said you dont get much time together with his shifts. MAKE TIME !!!!!

I know that you are trying to save money and clear your debts but you need to be able to do your own thing , when you want to or need to. I could never even have a proper argument with my hubby in his parents house with them listening, nor would i ever be comfortable ,entirely, disagreeing with anything that they said or did.
Dont get me wrong - I have the best in -laws ever and I love them completely but I could never live with them long term.
Get your own place. It may take a little longer to get to your financial goals but having your own space and responsibilities may just save your marriage.


I wish you the best of luck and truly hope that everything works out

Make a date night, get a hotel, go out to eat, go to a show, come back to the hotel and show him that new silky, lacy little number that will re light his flame for you. Do things that you did for eachother when you were dating or first married.......You guys know what I mean........

everyone needs a time to get away and have "face time".

Just curious, but why do you keep replying to extremely old threads??