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View Full Version : Visiting someone in jail...


massgrunt
10-07-04, 11:37 PM
I have an old friend from way back, my best friend for years when we were kids, who is a total f'up and is now in jail. We were very tight years ago, still are although we have nothing in common, I grew up and he didn't, I joined the Marines and he went steadily down hill. We were back in touch for a while, then when I was away he got arrested on warrants for some stuff I wasn't aware of. He is a felon, and is looking at years behind bars, basically because he's stupid. He was doing very well, showing real character, and then got popped for some minor stuff that snowballed because of his terrible judgement.

Now, spare me the advice on being friends with this type of guy, because I already know you're right. But this is a guy who's never done me wrong, has been a hell of a friend, and doesn't attempt to be a bad influence, not that it would be possible anyway. I don't intend to turn my back on him, because he needs a friend, and I don't abandon people when they're in trouble. I know he'd be there for me. Not only that, but I wonder how I'd have turned out if I'd been cursed with his parents.

That's a long winded lead up to this question: I'd like to go visit him in jail, moral support and all that. He's going to be there for quite a while, and will not be getting many visitors. But I assume that when you visit someone in jail, you get run through NCIC for warrants, birds of a feather and all. I also assume that there's a record kept when you get run, and I don't want that coming up in a BI. For obvious reasons. Am I correct in that assumption? If I call the jail and say "I want to visit a prisoner, but I don't want you to run my name through the system", I would imagine they'd laugh their asses off.

Any advice?


greenlead
10-07-04, 11:40 PM
There is no reason to fear being run through the system.

massgrunt
10-07-04, 11:50 PM
Well, I suppose it's being shady, but I don't want to be associated with him. I assume it's an up-hill battle to prove that your 15 year friendship with a felon (assault and gun charges, drugs, etc) is perfectly innocent.

I guess the obvious answer is just to write a letter or something, but I'm kind of musing on this.


Nuklhed
10-07-04, 11:56 PM
Well, I suppose it's being shady, but I don't want to be associated with him. I assume it's an up-hill battle to prove that your 15 year friendship with a felon (assault and gun charges, drugs, etc) is perfectly innocent.

I guess the obvious answer is just to write a letter or something, but I'm kind of musing on this.

Keep in mind, some agencies (Maybe most) have a policy about associating with known felons. I realize he is your buddy, but sometimes you have to make sacrafices (Oh, heck I rewrote that word 5 times, I cant spell it).

Just something to think about.

Wifeofadeputy
10-07-04, 11:57 PM
You know, from a NON LEO perspective, I dont see anything at all wrong with just telling the story like you have told it here. This is someone who you were friends with as a kid... who screwed up while you were away... is now "paying his debt to society" and you want to be helpful and encouraging. Are you in the process now? Do you have a BI? If I were you, Id just call and explain the situation, and ask. Cant hurt!

Switchback
10-07-04, 11:58 PM
FYI, policy prohibits me associating with felons that are not family members. You can't pick your family, and all. :) Of course, I am already on the job.

George
10-08-04, 12:09 AM
If this guy were my friend and all the stuff you posted, I would visit him no matter what the outcome was. Jobs are easy to come by nowadays, but true friends arn't.

Rad Diver
10-08-04, 12:18 AM
Massgrunt,

If you are considering or in le then let him be. Above post are correct, no associations with know felons or unsavory characters, not to include family, outside the job of course.

If you not in LE and your not gonna be, then go see him.

Hope this helps!

massgrunt
10-08-04, 12:22 AM
[QUOTE=Nuklhed]Keep in mind, some agencies (Maybe most) have a policy about associating with known felons. QUOTE]That's exactly what I had in mind. I am making a conscious decision to keep associating with him, you know? And he has an awful record. Well, no way am I letting his dumb *** affect my future, but I would prefer to stay friends for several reasons.

This is what he did: Got nailed for assault with a weapon (beer bottle) after defending his younger brother from several guys in a bar fight. His brother was underage, shouldn't have been there in the first place. Officer working a detail tells him to beat it, then arrests him when he returns to get his jacket.

Doesn't get a lawyer. Gets 13 months for something a lawyer could have talked him out of, considering the circumstances. Does two months, out for good behaviour.

Moves to another state while meeting probation requirements (I think). Gets evicted. Doesn't remove his stuff from the place. Landlord finds a gun. Whoops, he's a felon. Warrant issued. At this point he decides the smart move is to stop going to his probabtion officer. Apparently, he thinks it's just that simple.

Fast forward like, a year. Living with a total loser girl. She is one day screaming at her kids so loud the neighbors call the cops. Cops show up, arrest my buddy. Serving rest of original sentence, facing 5 years per charge in another state. Well and truly f'd.

I guess this is turning into venting about how my friend with so much potential ran himself right into the ground. I'm a little shaky on some of the details, 90% of this happened while I was far away from home, and he wasn't exactly upfront about it with me. For good reason.

Wifeofadeputy
10-08-04, 12:22 AM
*chuckles* And THAT is why I always preface anything I post like this with "my NON LEO opinion" :o

massgrunt
10-08-04, 12:25 AM
Massgrunt,

If you are considering or in le then let him be. Above post are correct, no associations with know felons or unsavory characters, not to include family, outside the job of course.

If you not in LE and your not gonna be, then go see him.

Hope this helps!I'm not in law enforcement, but am really interested in nothing else for the future.



If this guy were my friend and all the stuff you posted, I would visit him no matter what the outcome was. Jobs are easy to come by nowadays, but true friends arn't. Uh, sure thing pal. I appreciate the reply, but he will not be paying my bills nor giving me a challenging and interesting future.

George
10-08-04, 12:34 AM
We see friends different I guess. I know I would drop a job for a friend any day. I would give a friend the shirt off my back and the shoes off my feet. And there are other jobs that can pay your bills and can give you a challegning and interesting future. Law enforcement is not the only job like that in the world.

But you're a grown man/woman and can make your own decisions. So do what you think is best.

massgrunt
10-08-04, 12:40 AM
But you're a grown man/woman
What are you insinuating!? Just kidding. Well, loyalty is a precious thing, but keep in mind he brought this all on himself, and me not being a cop isn't going to help him a damn bit.

George
10-08-04, 12:43 AM
I guess maybe because it was I never really had any friends through in my younger years, that I give the term friend such a high standard. I know he bought it all on himself, but since he maybe goin to prison, it may clean him up some and with the proper support, it could happen and could turn his life around. But I'm just giving my opinion(view) on the topic. I mean no personal attacks with my posts or anything to that matter. Hope you can understand. :)

massgrunt
10-08-04, 12:45 AM
I guess maybe because it was I never really had any friends through in my younger years, that I give the term friend such a high standard. I know he bought it all on himself, but since he maybe goin to prison, it may clean him up some and with the proper support, it could happen and could turn his life around. But I'm just giving my opinion(view) on the topic. I mean no personal attacks with my posts or anything to that matter. Hope you can understand. :)Well, if I didn't want opinions, I wouldn't ask. Btw, according to your profile, you're 12 years old. Is that accurate?

George
10-08-04, 12:47 AM
No. When the owner (Jason) upgraded the site, it moved the people who hadn't put a birthday in, to 1992. So, it was a bug in the upgrade. I'm actually 19 years of age.

massgrunt
10-08-04, 01:04 AM
No. When the owner (Jason) upgraded the site, it moved the people who hadn't put a birthday in, to 1992. So, it was a bug in the upgrade. I'm actually 19 years of age.Phew. Cause I was feeling really stupid for a minute. But I will venture to say that as you get older, your idealsim may wane and your practicality may wax.

George
10-08-04, 01:08 AM
Care to explain that in a less complicated way for me? :p

massgrunt
10-08-04, 01:11 AM
You'll be more self-centered, and not back lost causes, fight other people's fights, look out for #1, etc. And you'll realize this isn't a bad thing.


And you'll be in situations where this will no longer be hypothetical. Or you'll sacrifice for a "friend", only to have them bail on you when you need help.

George
10-08-04, 01:14 AM
The day that happens, is the day you'll see my name in the obbituaires(sp?). :p.

But in all seriousness, I hope that does not happen.

massgrunt
10-08-04, 01:22 AM
But in all seriousness, I hope that does not happen.
Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I hope it does. But there are worse things than to care deeply about loyalty and friendship. Keep in mind, it's not like I'm running out on him while he's getting jumped or something. But if he continually started fights and needed to be rescued (not likely, he could eat me for breakfast), it would get old quick.


Ok, anybody who's name is not George? ;)

SnowLeopard
10-08-04, 04:09 AM
In my family, we've had lots of times to visit people in jail!

That comes from a father and brother being lawyers and me being a security officer, however.

Your wish to visit him to give him hope is commendable. In the Navy, such visits are required if an officer has a sailor in the brig, to encourage the sailor to change the ways to the right path.

If our visits, of either being LEO or lawyer, were recorded, ran thru background checks, I don't think we sweated it much or even cared for they were part of official duties.

Two things of advice. First, dress simply. When I had to visit people in the brig, they required me to check my keys, my tie, my insignia, etc.. Anything that could be used as a weapon, could be used against me, had to be checked. In my case, I couldn't get out the door without getting my items back.

But not all places are like that, hence the second item of advice. Make sure you pick up your stuff. My brother, the lawyer, was visiting a client in a correctional facility and was given a locker to check his stuff in. He then came with his family for a visit but late in the evening, he reached into his pocket expecting to pull his porsche keys (brought the family in the sedan instead) and pulled out the locker keys instead. He had to get on the phone in a hurry to find out when they closed and then hustle the family out to get there before they closed. He made it.

Don't forget your things.
----------------------------------------------------------
("Don't make a mistake (and drop the package at the wrong address)!"--crime bosses to bag (bomb) lady, Mrs. "Pete", (wtte), "For Pete's Sake")

massgrunt
10-08-04, 11:04 AM
Thanks.

Drew27k9
10-08-04, 12:31 PM
He is a felon, and is looking at years behind bars, basically because he's stupid.

He might be stupid, but face it, he is a criminal. He might be a good friend to you, but remember the old saying, if you lay down with dogs, you get fleas. If you have no desire to become a police officer, go visit him. If you want to be a police officer, drop him as a friend.

What happens when he gets out of jail, and you are in the process of being hired somewhere. Now your background will show that you are associating with know felons. Believe me, that will knock you right out of the running.

MOCOP
10-08-04, 12:42 PM
Grunt you need to move on. While I understand friendship ask yourself what is more important. Visiting your buddy in jail or your future .
But you already know the ansewer to that don't you Marine.

Prometheus
10-08-04, 01:44 PM
Someone else has a sig line (I forget who, sorry) that reads, "If you want to know the character of a man, look at his friends".

I think true friends are people who pull you up in life, not drag you down. Write him if you wish, letters are a big thing for inmates, but you should mantain your distance.

massgrunt
10-08-04, 01:52 PM
Yeah, the last three posts pretty much reflect my mind-set.

That sig has been on my mind, and the fleas saying as well. It's just sad to see someone screw themselves over so effectively. But it's not like I can hold his friggin hand for the rest of his life, nor do I want to.

The main conscience pang is that I'm sure he'd visit me. Oh, well.

Jeff L
10-08-04, 02:19 PM
massgrunt:

I know how it feels, I have an ex-gf/fiancee who I had to "get rid of" because I knew it was the right thing to do for myself and my future. Once I had a "friend" like that too, I stopped hanging out with him after he had the police called on him two times in one day while we were hanging out.

Jeff L
10-08-04, 02:20 PM
Yeah, the last three posts pretty much reflect my mind-set.

The main conscience pang is that I'm sure he'd visit me. Oh, well.

Felons would do a lot of things you wouldn't do ;)

JD45
10-08-04, 04:01 PM
Jobs are easy to come by nowadays, but true friends arn't.

Not LE jobs..;) Well at least not in CA. Just as everyone else said, you're going to have to make a descion. I wouldn't worry about be 'run' in the computer system. What I would worry about is having to list my friends down on the background packet and you list him. Then when they do the background check on your friend and ask why you 'chose' to keep in contact with him knowing that he is a repeat felon... See what I'm getting at?