Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Over the years I have seen many things that I have considered hilarious. For instance I was riding with the SO one day and we were called out in the county where one of the Fire Deapartments trucks was coming back from a run and had not fastened down there hoses well enough. The hoses came off of the truck and hit 9 mail boxes. The owners weren't too happy about that but their department had to pay for it anyway.

I have many things that I could tell but many are too gruesome for some of you to handle. Whether they were funny then or not doesn't really matter but when you make it back to the station, the other guys/and girls usually can make you laugh about it.

Lots of funny and disquesting things here as well. The most recent was the drunk on a bike watching one of the other passing squads and ran head first into a wall . Always tough to effect and arrest after watching that .

I do have a video somewhere on a call of vehicle stuck on the tracks. Kids were joyriding in their parents 50 thousand dollar convertable got it stuck. Anyways I was checking on damage and could see a train coming ( probably mile or so away ) and contacted dispatch and advised them to HALT all train traffic . Only 1 problem . Where i work there is thing called a diamond and there are 3 or 4 agencies that run on them.....

Amtrak made one hell of a mess and I have it on camera. The kid ( also on camera ) pretty much fainted when it hit the car. I thought about sending it scariest police videos for a long time.

My FIRST ever DUI arrest ( 1986)one of the intake questions we ask is " do you have any false teeth ?" , the drunk in his eagerness to answer me popped out a FULL upper set of false teeth. In doing so, he dropped them in to our trash can which also was where ashtrays were dumped, tobacco spit bottles were dumped etc. One of those DIRTY DISGUSTING old metal cans that never had a liner in it. He reached in and grabbed the teeth out and popped them right back in his mouth.

Well, this IS Austin. Most recent? Would have to be the guy in the tree.

Was on a subject stop and didn't even know he was up there until he said: "Excuse me officer, Do you know the time?" Seems he only "reserved" the tree from 8am to 4pm, and was worried about overstaying.

If you have any funny stories about kicking dogs in the line of duty do NOT post them here. They do not go over well with the toucy-feelies.

Drunk girl at a bar, with a cast on her leg.... Standing in front of my car (and camera on) dancing like the nerd guy on "Saved by the Bell" when he was at a dance with the chick who broke her leg. Great Video

My FIRST ever DUI arrest ( 1986)one of the intake questions we ask is " do you have any false teeth ?" , the drunk in his eagerness to answer me popped out a FULL upper set of false teeth. In doing so, he dropped them in to our trash can which also was where ashtrays were dumped, tobacco spit bottles were dumped etc. One of those DIRTY DISGUSTING old metal cans that never had a liner in it. He reached in and grabbed the teeth out and popped them right back in his mouth.

LOL, that's nasty. If you saw him when he was getting released from the pokey, did he say anything to you?

I was giving the FST's to a DUI driver and the guy could barely stand so I decided against the heel toe and balance tests, and asked him to do the the finger count. After I demonstrated the test to him, he said "your hand or mine"? Then he said "go ahead and arrest me, I can't do that"!

Not me, but one recent story I have to share.

Unit brings in a transient to the sallyport. Jailer and officer conduct a patdown prior to bringing the guy into the jail.

Suddenly, Jailer feels somthing moving where there should not be.

A RAT peeks out of the subjects pants and everyone goes berserk. ESP the transient that didn't know he'd taken in boarders. The rodent makes his escape attempt and is unsuccessful. Subject is then taken out into the parking garage and stripped, taking no chances with additional residents.

There are unconfirmed reports the rodent was terminated with an ASP.:D

I arrested a guy the other day with a fake leg. When I was searching him I found it and at first thought he had a shotgun in his pants. When we got to the jail I asked him not to say anything before the jailer searched him. You should have seen the look on his face when HE found it.

NO, I never saw the guy again. I have the video of him at the station doing SFST though. Back then we redid all of the SFST's at the station on video supposedly for court although nobody ever took them to court. While clearing out old video tapes I found and saved it :)

Damn! Wonder if there is any way to convert it to a .wma file so it could be spread around for the amusement of others? :D

We had a bunch of eggings that occured a couple of years ago. The night clerk at a convenience store said he sold 6 dozen egss to kids late one night and had them on video. One of our guys knew the local community youth baseball team coaches who knows a LOT of kids in the area and had him come to the store to watch the video. While doing so he sheepishly pointed out that one of the late night egg buyers was his OWN SON and some friends.

Cases were cleared by arrest.

Thanks guys for all of the feedback. I have enjoyed reading some of the things that you all come across on a daily basis.

Was working one night and came across a suspicious vehicle parked in a secluded area. Walked up to the car and saw the windows were all steamed up. There was a man and a woman keeping each other VERY occuppied. I shined my light in the window and literally lit up the interior. You think that would have caught their attention....Nope. So I knock on the window. Still no response and yes they're still going at it. Looked like she was at a rodeo and was going for the grand prize. I knock a LOT harder and finally get the woman's attention. She stops, rolls down the window and tells me, "I'm just about to climax, can you wait?!"

Well, with that said, I just stepped back, waited and got a free show...;)

Was working one night and came across a suspicious vehicle parked in a secluded area. Walked up to the car and saw the windows were all steamed up. There was a man and a woman keeping each other VERY occuppied. I shined my light in the window and literally lit up the interior. You think that would have caught their attention....Nope. So I knock on the window. Still no response and yes they're still going at it. Looked like she was at a rodeo and was going for the grand prize. I knock a LOT harder and finally get the woman's attention. She stops, rolls down the window and tells me, "I'm just about to climax, can you wait?!"

Well, with that said, I just stepped back, waited and got a free show...;)

oh wow...i bet you wish you hade a video camera on you, you'd be a millinoare with all the bootleg pornos on the shelves today, just make sure it looks like a celeb, then sell for hundreds as a sex tape haha! I just hope the girl wasnt ugly....blah.....or a fat girl

Was working one night and came across a suspicious vehicle parked in a secluded area. Walked up to the car and saw the windows were all steamed up. There was a man and a woman keeping each other VERY occuppied. I shined my light in the window and literally lit up the interior. You think that would have caught their attention....Nope. So I knock on the window. Still no response and yes they're still going at it. Looked like she was at a rodeo and was going for the grand prize. I knock a LOT harder and finally get the woman's attention. She stops, rolls down the window and tells me, "I'm just about to climax, can you wait?!"

Well, with that said, I just stepped back, waited and got a free show...;)


PARK CHECKS RULE!!!! I did 22 park checks tonight, and I caught 4 couples, one of them being buck nekkid. All the rest were punks just hangin out. Haven't caught two dudes or two chicks in a long time.

PARK CHECKS RULE!!!! I did 22 park checks tonight, and I caught 4 couples, one of them being buck nekkid. All the rest were punks just hangin out. Haven't caught two dudes or two chicks in a long time.


So that's what happend when you got off the phone with me last night huh? I bet that someone watched the naked couple for a little while then broke up the party.

Nothing was funnier then the Christmas in 2000 when I was working as a guard at a mall. Santa was there talkign to all the kids and letting them have their picture taken for like $10 (a friggin poloroid). One kid about 6 years old got up on Santa's lap and told him what he wanted for Christmas then proceeded to pee all over him. I was standing there and Santa said to me tell my people I need to um change into my spare suit. I asked him why. He said "the kid that was just on my lap pissed on me." After putting that one out on the radio and laughing I went and told his people what happend. Everyone thought it was a riot. I guess old Sam won't ever live that one down.

The other one also occured at the mall about 2 weeks later. One of my rookies that just came off probation called me to come out side to a car that he was behind that was parked way out at the back of the lot against the tree line. I get there and he says "hey sgt. how do I go about 2 people doing it in a car?" I looked at him and I say well first write down the plate and vehicle info on you daily then go up to the car and tell them to get dressed and leave and to tell them to not do that here again. About 5 mins later while I am driving around out front to check on a motorist he calls me again and says he needs a BUS (ambulance) here right now for a laceration to the groin area. I was like WTF did he say? I get there and he says " um sgt. I think I scared her cause when I knocked on the window she kinda bit down on him while doing the you know." I said she WHAT? I said SOB I bet that hurt like hell so I go up and see her with a mouth full of blood and him screaming like bloody murder bleeding like crazy. I wanted so bad to tell her to put pressure on it but I couldn't because she already did. :D

I had long laugh over that one when the medics left the scene.

Funny story but why were you talking last night with MichiganSTUD?

Funny story but why were you talking last night with MichiganSTUD?


Sorry can't tell you. You need top secret clearance from both of us. The price for that is $99.95 for my side of the conversation and $99.95 for his.

Like I'm going to devulge a private conversation with another member on here. PA-LEASE

OK, Thanks anyway :-)

Okay if you promise not to tell them,,

About 2 days ago I'm posted with 2 of our female officers and we get a 'suspects on premesis' call. A woman has found a youth on her rear balcony.

Anyhoo we get there and the house is in a private road with a security gate. well we ring her bell and she buzzes us in. Me being the gennelman that I is I hold the side gate over for the ladies (sheet there might a big dude in there) and point at the 4" metal protrusion thats coming out of the ground to stop the gate from hitting the wall.

Well the tallest of the 2 walks over it no problem, the second catches it with her foot and falls forwards, reaches out to steady herself and grabs the back pocket of the girl in front, ripping the arse out of her uniform trousers. So now I'm dying with laughter and through my tears I can see this very pretty 5'7" Brown haired officer's right butt cheek and the best part of a pink thong. :D

Now I've got the tall one begging me not to tell anyone at work I've seen her butt or that she wears thongs to work and the short one begging not to tell anyone she grabbs girl butt.

ALAS NO CCTV cameras 'cos that would've gone to Sheriff John Bunnell
Oh yeah it turned out to be the next door nieghbours kid getting his tennis ball.
Names have been withheld for the sake of my nuts.

Jim, haha that is TOO funny!

That would've been the ride-along! :D

One of my funniest ones just happened. It was definitely a "had to be there" kind of thing to fully appreciate it...

I was at the office trying to knock out a couple of reports and hear someone pounding on the door, screaming about just being assaulted. I let a well known chemically dependent female inside and she starts screaming at me..."Look what those #@$*#@#&$#$&&#'s did to me!!!!!"

Not seeing anything obvious, I asked what she was talking about...

She yanks her skirt up to her neck and I see a freshly shaved smiley face staring at me. The eyes had been filled in with a magic marker I guess. The Sgt who was monitoring the whole thing via the CCTV goes crashing through the back office door and is now in the impound lot laughing. I was taken so completely by surprise that by reflex I erupted in laughter, excused myself and headed for the parking lot laughing until I was nearly sick.

Wonder if John Brunell wants the video of that little gem?

HOLY CRAP DWF!! HAHA, wow, that would sure catch me off gaurd too!

Dispatch put out one of the "Naked man" calls. First officer up on the radio is Tammy. (name changed because I value my health) Dispatch goes into the call, "Naked man in the intersection, Red River and 15th St."

Tammy comes back, "Is there a description"? Dispatch is quiet for a second and then transmits: "No description, but he's probably going to be the only naked man there".

Tammy goes out on scene, stating that she has located the subject, and he is certainly naked.

Myself and another officer roll up to find Tammy, Trapped in her car, With an older fat guy doing his best "Superman" pose just inches away from her driver's window. You could see her turning red from across the intersection.:D

We could barely get out of the car ourselves we were laughing so hard.

Little shot of O/C on the hoser and he might not have been quite the poser.

Little shot of O/C on the hoser and he might not have been quite the poser.

I'd imagine the lil poser would suck in like a turtle head

Dispatch put out one of the "Naked man" calls. First officer up on the radio is Tammy. (name changed because I value my health) Dispatch goes into the call, "Naked man in the intersection, Red River and 15th St."

Tammy comes back, "Is there a description"? Dispatch is quiet for a second and then transmits: "No description, but he's probably going to be the only naked man there".


I never understood that when I put out the "naked person" calls, at least ONE cop (its always a male cop) that asks if there is a clothing description. :rolleyes: I actually loved it when I had the "naked man playing basketball" call .... description consisted of "a naked man holding his ball". :D

I had a "female vs female" domestic the other night. I accidentally said "female on female" so you KNOW that I had about 10 guys going. LOL