Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

We have just over one month to go until my boyfriend starts the police academy. I'm incredibly excited for him, since becoming a police officer has been his dream for many, many years. We have been dating for almost 7 years, so I have had plenty of time to get used to the idea of him wanting to become a cop. I've been preparing myself by reading books (like "I Love A Cop"), reading stuff on the web, talking to cops and other LE employees that I know, etc. Had he gone to the Academy a few years ago, I probably wouldn't have been mature enough, or at least secure enough in our relationship, to deal with it. But, I'm feeling mostly okay about it now. I have a few worries, but they are all things that I'm more than willing to deal with (mostly about us having time for each other).

I do, however, realize that this is going to be a huge committment of time and energy on his part, for the next 6 months. And then again for the few months after that, while he is in FTO. And, even still, after that, for the rest of his career. I want him to do the absolute best he can, and I want to support him in any way that I can. I've already communicated this to him, and he has communicated to me that he is depending on me for moral support and motivation. Done, and done! :)

So, my question. I'm wondering what other people's experiences have been while either you, or your significant other were in the Police Academy. Did you spend much time together, or did you mostly not see each other? How did you cope with the stresses and problems that came up? What issues came up that you didn't expect, or weren't prepared for? How could your significant other have supported you better? Did you find you spent 90% of your time outside of the Academy focusing on studying and sleeping? Is there any other advice you feel would be good to pass along?

I want to extend my gratitude for your responses in advance. Any little bit helps!

SO? Security Officer, Sheriffs Officer?

Academy will be 90% studying and sleeping. It will help if he has something to relax over during the weekends.

Oh, let him know he can talk to you and vent, but never press him to talk.

Best of luck.

Communication, mutual sacrifice, a higher power (God), respect, honest....the same stuff that makes most relationships work. Except, when your SO has a bad day it can be really bad and you have to realize he may need some space or a shoulder to put his head on. There is good times and bad like anything else.

Example, two tropical storms or hurricanes brewing right now. Tomorrow, I start mandatory 12 hour shifts for the next 2-3 days or until the storms pass. I do not have the time to board up my house. My wife and son will go to the in-laws and hopefully the house will be here when I get off of work and she returns.

WTF is SO??????

Ditto......what's an SO?

SO = Significant Other

IC! Boyfriend will suffice, and it keeps old farts like me from getting confused. :)

Sorry about the confusion! I assumed that people here would know what SO meant (and you know what they say about people who assume things :o ). I edited the post to quash future confusion.

This is a very interesting topic for me as well. My husband is trying desperately to join the department. He is thinking about going through the academy unsponsered, which is fine with me. I completely support him in his efforts. I am a dispatcher, and he wants to work only at the department that I work at. These are my concerns, and I welcome any and all comments. #1 - I already worry for 30-40 cops a nite, I don't want to imagine the nite he calls for cover now [or worse] and I am working it. Will I be able to remain professional, and trust that his beat partners will get there in time. #2 Also with both of us on shift work, well I can bet that will be trying on our relationship. #3 The Academy and FTO. Well all I can say is I know it will be interesting, when he comes home and hates the guy that is training him, who may also be on of my "mdt buddies".

*sigh* I remember those days.....Be prepared...studying..studying...sleeping sleeping...thats all hes gonna do...But always keep in mind that being in a relationship with a PO can be the most rewarding love there is....Love in any realationships has its trying times...but never forget that he loves you and the best thing that you can do is support 100% all the time...Good Luck...

I am currently in this position! My boyfriend just got hired... he will be 7 hours away starting his first job as a LEO... advice on "distance" would be great!

This is an excellent thread. I am in the process of getting all my ducks in a row, so that I can become a LEO myself. My wife knows how desperately I want this, but she still doesn't support me 100%. I think for the most part she has a lot of the same concerns mentioned here. I think I may print this out for her and this may help, hearing from other "SO's" who share the same concerns. Also, aside from "I Love a Cop", are there any other books that might be helpful?

Their are quite a few helpful law enforcement books, neobamboom. I had a magazine that specifically sold cop books like "I love a cop," but apparantly I lost it in the pile of Police, American Police Beat, and Galls magazines. Go to amazon.com and search for law enforcement books. That should give you some. And if your wife isn't with you 100%, your marriage will never last. I recommend a sit-down talk.

All of your questions would receive a better response from other LEO's like myself if you placed your questions in Ask-a-cop. That way actual officers who have been their can help you.

um...the fatter you get...the closer you will be. :)



J/K

All of your questions would receive a better response from other LEO's like myself if you placed your questions in Ask-a-cop. That way actual officers who have been their can help you.


And if it is left here, though this thread is major old, the ones who have actually been on the other side of that fence, "the better halfs", the ones left to try and figure it all out by ourselves, can lend our advice as well. ;)

Relationships = two people. :D

For spouses advice this is fine, yeah, but if he wants LEO's first hand advice then he needs to post in ask-a-cop.

My bad. I thought that is who was asked.

Terminator,

Thanks for your replies. My question was geared towards both LEOs and spouses. I've definitely got some questions to ask in Ask-A-Cop, but I have to finish searching first, so I don't make duplicate threads.

Thank you as well Jynkxxie.

I, too, worked with LEOs as a dispatcher for years. I didn't mind us both being on shiftwork. Seems to keep us more appreciative of whatever time we do have. And the rule is, you will not have the same shift - too personal. When the academy was where he was at, it didn't seem any different than a 9-5 (only in the city - traffic sucked during rush hour). He came through with flying colors and didn't sleep half as much as now. I don't know...as far as the future LEO who's wife isn't thrilled, I don't think you can say no way it'll work. And, if she read "Love a Cop" - she MUST have seen the parts about infidelity and the larger incidence of it in LEO's (ESPECIALLY Rookies). And, I would not have believed it had I not have seen/heard it for myself. But, hopefully you've had a relationship beforehand and you're not just 21 and jumping into an academy. My old chief used to say he'd MUCH rather hire someone that had a "life" and different job BEFORE going into the academy (and a little older) than the one where that's all he knows.

Hate to break it to ya Kat12, but it's not necessarily the rookies that are unfaithful to their partners. The officers that I know that cheat on their spouses are all veteran officers, except a few.

You're not telling me something I don't already know. The book Love a Cop, I believe, talks about "especially rookies". And, the badge bunnies tend to prefer the "boys". The older, "wiser" cops just try to keep it more discreet sometimes (IMO). Especially when their "pensions" that are close at hand come into play. My husband's Lt. is paying $2,100/month in support and had to move back in with his parents at 40 years old AND the ex is going to get half his pension. You wanna play, you're gonna pay. A LOT....serves em right as far as I'm concerned.

Perhaps you point me in the right direction on this one...I've bought the "I Love a Cop" book (for my family), and have read it myself. I don't remember anything in their about rookies being especially prone to cheating on their spouse. I do know that badge bunnies like younger officers, generally, because they are themselves usually younger.

You know, you may be right. I don't know if it was "Love a cop" or "The making of a cop - going through the NYC Police Academy" or even "What cops know". Maybe I should widen my repertoire...LOL. Actually I read a lot, but my dad was fascinated by those books, and I usually read what he's read. And, you're right, the badge bunnies are usually younger. Much younger. One of our guys (40's) got caught with an underage "agent" (19)sent into bars/bodegas, etc. to buy booze. More like a notch in his belt than an embarassement. i.e. Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes...LOL. But, I gotta say, the "boys" have always treated me like gold and are protective. I love them and wouldn't trade them for the world. A few bad apples and all that.... :D

Just thinking aloud...I guess I have never understood the bunny thing. If there are two willing, consenting parties, what does that make the cops? Again, what's good for the goose...And if that is the case, then I suppose anyone who has dated, slept with, or married a cop was a bunny at one point in time themselves. I think it just sounds stupid. LOL As far as cheating, I think it is just an individual thing, not a professional one. Just so happens the statistics appear to be higher in this one.

Their is a big difference between someone who has had sex with a cop or married a cop, AND a badge bunny! For instance, while you (just for example) may have slept with one cop on the force, a "badge bunny" has probably done half the department (literally).

Oh I see...So it is kinda like High School, only for adults. :D I guess I am still wondering though, what that makes the cops that slept with that bunny? :eek:

desperate?

I guess I am still wondering though, what that makes the cops that slept with that bunny? :eek:



Answer: MEN

[QUOTE=Jynkxxie]Oh I see...So it is kinda like High School, only for adults. :D I guess I am still wondering though, what that makes the cops that slept with that bunny? [QUOTE]

Lack of sex probably....I have to say that I was flirted with a few times when first getting into law enforcement. My first marraige was starting to fall apart right before I became a cop. Although it had been well over six months since the "last time" and I had been propositioned, I still stayed loyal, at least till the divorce was finalized. :D But it did get me wondering about those officers on a rocky marraige who were in the same situation. On one hand it was gripin & moanin at home with little & no intimacy, then you go to work and get slobbered on by some hottie. It tested my limits, but I held up. I imagine alot do not. My .02

Answer: MEN


LMAO ;)

My SO just finished the long distance part of his training in the academy and it wasn't really all that bad. My advice? Be flexible! Whenever he wants to talk, let him talk. I work nights and so when he would call to talk about his day I would be exhausted and want to go back to sleep but I am so glad I made myself stay up and listen to him. Another thing is, depending on his department, he might not be able to tell you stuff that he is learning. There where days when he couldn't even tell me what they where talking about becuase it had something to do with national security. (it took me awhile to get used to that one...i didn't much like america butting into my relationship :D ) Another thing that happened was he grew a lot more worried about me. Like if I was out late with friends, or driving by myself at night he would be worried about me and sometimes he asked me not do stuff. I didn't much like it, but at the same time I made a decision to respect him and listen even if I didn't understand it. There are a lot of changes, I could go on and on...but all in all, nothing was a bad change...it's just different and you have to be willing to let him do that. He isn't going to be the same man you were with..but I can garuntee that with your 100% support, he will be a better man (if you can even imagine that :D )

Glad you have such a positive attitude and outlook. He will be pretty wired the first year or so, but he will calm back down a little. He's lucky to have ya. ;)

One things for sure Jynkxxie, you can't say I'm not gonna tell ya what I think and give it to you with 100% brutal honesty....men are pigs...oink, oink baby! :)

Honesty is all I ever ask for. So long as you know that I was being a bit facetious myself. My view is, and always will be, the "it takes two". Bunnies wouldn't bunny if there wasn't something chasing them. I try not to label anyone, even MEN. ;)

I try not to label anyone, even MEN. ;)


That's okay, baby, you can label me anyday..hehe :)

What Advice Would You Give To A Female With A 6 Month Old About To Start The Academy? I Am Sure That This Is What I Want But I Recognize That It Is Going To Be Extremely Hard For Me Simply Because I Have A 6 Month Old And I Want To Be Able To Spend Enough Time With Him.

What Advice Would You Give To A Female With A 6 Month Old About To Start The Academy? I Am Sure That This Is What I Want But I Recognize That It Is Going To Be Extremely Hard For Me Simply Because I Have A 6 Month Old And I Want To Be Able To Spend Enough Time With Him.

You better be in good terms with your mother or mother in-law. :D. They will be a great help.

Red's right. You are going to need a lot of support from family, a stay-at-home dad or a live-in Nanny to be able to make it through the academy. If you don't have a strong support system, my advice would be to wait a few years.

You'll need to have a plan for what if the babysitter can't make it, or the baby gets a fever. You can't just call in sick... well you can, but not really.
After 4-6 months or how ever long your academy you have another 3-5 months of Field Training to go through, not to mention the long hours,shift work and studying.

Good luck to you.


What Advice Would You Give To A Female With A 6 Month Old About To Start The Academy? I Am Sure That This Is What I Want But I Recognize That It Is Going To Be Extremely Hard For Me Simply Because I Have A 6 Month Old And I Want To Be Able To Spend Enough Time With Him.

What Advice Would You Give To A Female With A 6 Month Old About To Start The Academy? I Am Sure That This Is What I Want But I Recognize That It Is Going To Be Extremely Hard For Me Simply Because I Have A 6 Month Old And I Want To Be Able To Spend Enough Time With Him.

Just a little tip, you don't have to capitalize every word in the sentence(s). ;)

Just a little tip, you don't have to capitalize every word in the sentence(s). ;)


LOL It is default for when someone actually types in all caps.

It still makes the cop a pig. And, as for the person married to, or slept with cops being a bunny? - when I met my husband it was through a group of friends who were (are) bikers. It wasn't till the third or fourth date I found out he was a cop AND I thought he was kidding. At that point, I tossed around the idea of not going out with him anymore. As he said, it's what I do, not who I am - thank god. And, I've seen these women send pictures of themselves (graphic), call, come to the PCT., and offer to do "things". If the cop is having a hard time at home, or down in the dumps or even male menopause (i.e. midlife crisis) it seems that they have a hard time dismissing the "attention". And, as was said, bunnies would do half the department. They're big for Firemen as well. Take a look at the news...either way, it does take two to tango, you are right. And I trust my husband. But keep in mind, if a man proposed to me what some women have proposed to my husband, he'd flatten them.

male menopause (i.e. midlife crisis)....


What's that? Jealous because we don't get PMS? :)

What's that? Jealous because we don't get PMS? :)


LOL F' No. If I knew, as a man, that one day I would look like Tom Cruise on T.V. lately I would be lining up for the gender reorganization operation!

Jynkxxie - Amen sister! LMAO! :D

Ladies...Tom Criuse is gay!!!!! I am younger, good looking and much "straighter" (just invented a word). So anyway, I'll take all comers. Who's with me?

Ladies...Tom Criuse is gay!!!!! I am younger, good looking and much "straighter" (just invented a word). So anyway, I'll take all comers. Who's with me?
And modest, you can't forget modest! ;)

So, I know I'm answering my own thread... but I figured I'd offer a few bits of advice for newbies who happen to wander into this thread in the future, looking for the same advice.

My boyfriend and I made it through the Academy better than either of us expected. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? YES!

I found that it was helpful to understand that he was going to be busy, and our time together tight. I was flexible with his plans. When he needed to do a study group, during the time we'd normally spend together, I didn't complain, even if I was disappointed. He always made an effort to spend at least some time with me, which helped me a lot. Sometimes he'd spend the night at my place in the middle of the week. I'd help him study, and get ready in the morning. Spending even that small amount of time together was good. I really enjoyed helping him study. I'd quiz him on codes, and such. It helped him do well on tests, and allowed us to spend time together, and I got to learn more about his job.

I also bit my tongue, A LOT. There were times I was upset about something, but instead of provoking a fight, I let it go. My goal was to avoid stressing him out any more than need be. We only had one fight during the entire Academy, and that was because of a very insensitive andhurtful comment he made. But, we talked it out, and he apologized. In the end, I don't feel like I left anything "bottled inside." I don't feel resentful of making a point to keep the peace. And I don't think we missed anything by avoiding those arguments.

I also made a point to keep myself very busy. As long as I had plenty going on in my own life, I found missing him didn't hurt as much. Time flew by very fast over the 6 months, and before we knew it he was graduating!

I had to be prepared for him to be tired a lot. And sometimes we didn't get to talk. But, that was okay. I accepted it, and realized it had nothing to do with ME. I also found that many things had to be put off... like our anniversary. I finally got my anniversary dinner last month, 10 months late! But he more than made up for it by taking me to one of the swankiest places in San Francisco. Flexibility was key for the Academy, and will be key for the rest of his career. Best to start practicing it early.

I also attended the "Family Night" and we attended a few other events during the Academy with other recruits and their significant others. It was good for me to meet the people he was going to the Academy with, and good to meet their spouses/partners. It made me feel more connected and involved, and I really appreciated that.

Since he's been out in the field for the last 6 months, I've realized that the Academy wasn't the end, but just the beginning. Take the Academy as a 6 month practice session for the rest of his career. Learn your lessons then, but don't forget them once he's on the job.

best advice i can give is dont do what my x-wife did. dont nagg.. he will get enough nagging and yelling from his instructors.. Just support him and be there for him.. On the weekends I didnt want to do anything i studied my butt off from when i got home to when i went to bed. I was up from 4am to 11pm 4 days aweek and my 3 day weekends I charished. Due something fun with him.. Like take him to the movies or something relaxing.. My ex did everything opposite of what i told you..