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04-23-04, 09:23 AM
Radio Traffic
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots
and control towers around the world.
"Southwest 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 737 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard
right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take
the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return
to the airport."
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the
problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
Tower: "Delta 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Delta 702: "Tower, Delta 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Delta 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Delta 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
we copied Delta ... we've already notified our caterers."
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots
and control towers around the world.
"Southwest 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 737 makes when it hits a 727?"
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard
right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take
the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return
to the airport."
Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the
problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
Tower: "Delta 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Delta 702: "Tower, Delta 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Delta 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Delta 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
we copied Delta ... we've already notified our caterers."