Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Hello,

I recently made the decision to try for a career in law enforcement in my home-county. However I am having a hard time convincing my wife that this is what I really want to do! (but that is my problem). She is having trouble understanding where this came from, for her it is out of the blue (no pun intended seriously) but I have been thinking about this for a while.

I'm 23, have been in and out of college (3.4 GPA with about 64 or so credits), spent three years in the workforce as a computer technician and some random retail jobs, and am working on proficiency in Arabic (1 year of formal study so far).

Do you think I stand a chance at becoming a LE officer? The department here says they offer tuition reimbursement which would be nice as I do want to finish a degree at some point.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated as this is a big decision for us.

From what it sounds like, your background is fine, it is just a matter of convincing your other half. Some people have the opinion that it doesn't matter, but I think we all know that's not true ;-) There was another thread similar to this with some good advice on dealing with a spouse who is reluctant to talk about going into LE. I didn't personally have any issues, as I am lucky enough to have a supportive family. If this is really what you want to do, then you are going to need to be convincing!

If this is really what you want to do, then you are going to need to be convincing!

LOL. No doubt! Time to hone my debating skills :)

LOL. No doubt! Time to hone my debating skills :)
I too was worried about what my wife would say when I came out about wanting a career in LE. It was, to her, totally out of the blue also. I just mentioned it to her at first to get a feel for what she would say. At first she said, “No way!” Than I began talking about it more and more. Eventually she saw how passionate I was about it and finally said she would support me because she knew how much it meant to me. She could tell that it was not just some random job I was looking for. It was more about what I am and what I have to do to be happy. Do not be mistaken though. From what I can tell, a career in LE can ruin a marriage. Especially if both parties are not in it together. You will be working some crazy hours and you will be under a tremendous amount of stress. If your wife is not supportive of you and you can’t turn to her at the end of a day and talk about things, it is going to eat you up. Cops deal with a lot of bad stuff; it would suck to have to deal with bad stuff at home as well.
Point being, if she doesn’t get onboard with the idea, you may need to think twice about LE if your marriage means anything to you.

I have been looking into applying for a LEO position… because I would really like to become a detective. My husband is an officer and has 5 years on the force. Even though I know he will get crap from his fellow officers … he has been very supportive and without that support I wouldn’t even be trying.

if she already doesn't agree with it, you'll likely be divorced soon. it's hard on family life, particularly when they don't like the idea to begin with.

If you don't have a strong support structure at home, you can never venture into a career that is stressful for you and your family.

You put pressure on a weak relationship and it will break.

We talked about it more tonight and she told me she just needed the time today to think about it. She is on board and wants me to go for it!

Thanks for all the replies... now I just have to get the process started. Our department here just had their latest round of tests so I missed out on that, don't know yet if I need to wait until next year or not.

>>Do not be mistaken though. From what I can tell, a career in LE can ruin a marriage. Especially if both parties are not in it together. You will be working some crazy hours and you will be under a tremendous amount of stress<<

Good points. Paul Harvey said years ago that the only job with higher divorce rate was bartender.

I was married to a cop for a number of years and I did support what he did--had all respect for the job. A group of 10 of us policemen's wives used to get together once a month to play cards. Of that group, only 2 of the couples are still married. The odds for a marriage not working out are somewhat higher than the national norm, wouldn't you say?

Being able to talk high stress days over (within limits) with a supportive spouse and knowing about and planning for what you are getting into seem highly important.

>>Do not be mistaken though. From what I can tell, a career in LE can ruin a marriage. Especially if both parties are not in it together. You will be working some crazy hours and you will be under a tremendous amount of stress<<

Good points. Paul Harvey said years ago that the only job with higher divorce rate was bartender.

I was married to a cop for a number of years and I did support what he did--had all respect for the job. A group of 10 of us policemen's wives used to get together once a month to play cards. Of that group, only 2 of the couples are still married. The odds for a marriage not working out are somewhat higher than the national norm, wouldn't you say?

Being able to talk high stress days over (within limits) with a supportive spouse and knowing about and planning for what you are getting into seem highly important.

Yikes, this is getting me worried...I'm interested in becoming a police officer but if I happen to be married after college I don't want to do something that will wreak havoc on the household.

Don't get freaked out, just know that it can happen.

I left a lab job (BS in molecular bio) to go into LE. I wouldnever have done it had my wife not encouraged me. Hell, she knew me well enough to tell me to submit the app, when I was just going to toss it! Then, when I was about to say no (not wanting to drag her away), she agreed to a cross country move when I was offered the job!

That was 8 years and 2 kids ago. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary a few months ago. You can do it, just have your priorities straight. She;ll have to understand that there are things that you will just HAVE to do, but when you have a choice, keep those priorities straight!

I also think that is better with you entering LE together, rather than those that meet someone and get married already neck-deep in the job. My reasoning is this: it was never all that crazy starting off and I traveled little. Last year I was gone 24 weeks for our national tac team, SOG, and then sprinkle in regular late night callouts for search warrants and high risk fugitive warrants for SRT. Then there is the regular 60 hour work-weeks and it is a huge thing for a spouse to just learn all at once! She'll be learning the routine and lifestyle with you. That is a tremondous asset.

My buddy recently got married. She has a hard time believing that he actually DID work from 0600 to 0100 the next day... and don't even thnik about mentioning him being gone for all the SOG missions! LOL

I am still too young to think about getting married, but I must say your response was a bit more encouraging =D. It just seemed that the way this thread was going was that a LE career = ruined marriage. (Which I do understand can and does happen.)

LE doesn't ruin marriage, it makes it plentiful. Look at me..... I am looking at my third marriage after ten years as a police officer:) (kidding) Well, not really, this is going to be my third wife, however it takes a special person to be a cop, and by the same standards, it takes a special person to be married to one. If you are willing, it can definitely work. So don't worry about it.

>>Yikes, this is getting me worried...I'm interested in becoming a police officer but if I happen to be married after college I don't want to do something that will wreak havoc on the household.<<

I mentioned possible problems so you can be aware of them and plan for them. That way they are less likely to happen. From the point of view of the spouse (and someone who worked with officers for many years), this is a job that can be high stress. The need to relax afterward such times gets pretty intense and we all know where that can lead--to the bar and on from there. My husband used to let tension build and then come home from a bar covered with someone else's blood and happy as a clam--nothing like bloodying someone's nose to cheer him up for about six months. Then he found other ways to relax after work and we parted ways. There are more positive ways to work off job stress--like working out, as some of the guys here have mentioned. Knowing what to expect, planning ahead and working on good communication seem like a good ideas to me, in retrospect. I tried but was a dopey young thing at the time.

Luck to you.

You wife is probabally concerned about your safety as an officer. Explain to her that you will be as safe as you possibly can out in the field. Tell her that you would also like to have her support in your decision to become an LE. She also may be concerned that you will not continue on with your education if you pursue a LE career because of the irregular hours. I suggest talking to her and finding out her concerns as to why she dosent want you go to into LE.